Sharing The Burden

 

We know very little about Moshe Rabbeinu before God speaks to him at the burning bush and chooses him to lead Bnei Yisrael out of Egypt. But what little we are told about Moshe’s early life highlights his compassion and his empathy. He goes out from Pharoh’s palace “Vayar B’sivlotam”- and sees the Jews’ suffering. We read in last week how Moshe not only perceived national suffering but personal agony as well; he sees the Egyptian striking a Jewish slave and acts in protest.

      In Jewish tradition we call such a show of empathy or solidarity “Nosei B’ol Im Chaveiro”: sharing in the burden, the pain of another. Pirkei Avot 6:6 teaches that this is one of the ways a Torah personality is developed. According to Rav Shlomo Wolbe (in Alei Shur 1, pg 246) the quality of a person’s entire religious persona is dependent on being able to be Nosei B’ol Im Chaveiro.

      Moshe’s ability to do this was characteristic of his tribe, Levi. The Shelah Hakadosh notes that although the Leviim were never enslaved, they carried with them a profound sense of solidarity with their brethren. On the pasuk that introduces Moshe’s lineage, the Shelah notes the unusual introduction: “V’eyla Shemot Bnei Levi” and suggests that all of the names used by the tribe of Levi were meant to remind them of the oppression of their brethren. For example the name Merari relates to the Hebrew word for bitter. Though they were not personally oppressed, Shevet Levi felt the pain of their brethren and stood in solidarity.

      Nosei B’Ol Im Chaveiro has always been a hallmark of the Jewish People and something that Pharoh could not understand. Why didn’t Pharoh enslave the Leviim? What benefit was there for him in not subjecting the Leviim to slavery? Rabbi Yonatan Eibeshetz answers that not enslaving the Leviim was part of Pharoh’s master plan to prevent the Jews’ redemption. He had been informed by his astrologers that the Jewish redeemer would come from the tribe of Levi. The king of Egypt figured that the only way a person would have the drive, fortitude and courage to lead the Jews out of slavery is if he himself was a slave. Pharoh had no concept of Nosei B’ol Im Chaveiro, of feeling empathy to the degree that it propels one to act, even sacrifice, on another’s behalf.

      The Lubavitcher Rebbe once said, “we are commanded to emulate God’s ways: just as He is compassionate and merciful so too must we be. Just as He feeds the hungry and visits the sick, so too must we. But God also resurrects the dead, He is Mechayeh Hameitim. How can we possibly emulate God in this way?” The Rebbe explained: “If you see a person who is dejected and who has lost the spirit of life, and you say or do something that lifts his/her spirits and restores the will to live- then you indeed have emulated Hashem in resurrecting the dead.”

      Nosei B’Ol Im Chaveiro begins with a feeling and develops into a worldview and finally propels us to act. Sometimes this attitude allows us to alleviate suffering in concrete ways. Sometimes it allows others to see that people care about them, and they are not alone in their suffering.  Just as empathy and solidarity were the impetus for the Egyptian Exodus, so too may our efforts to be Nosei B’ol Im Chaveiro serve as the prelude for our future redemption.

 

 

Join The New Cycle of Mishna Yomit Today

     The Jewish People knew that they would be in Egypt for a long time before they would return to the Promised Land. If they wanted to make it through the years of exile unscathed they needed a long term strategy. We read in Parshat Shemot that Yaakov’s descendants failed to come up with such a strategy that might have tempered their exile experience. For example, Yosef encouraged them to live apart from the Egyptians. This may have been intended as a way to prevent assimilation. This may have been intended as a way to prevent the Jews from becoming too “familiar” to the Egyptians, since familiarity breeds contempt. The result is that the Egyptians develop a negative attitude towards the Israelites, and this leads to the years of Egyptian slavery.

      The only thing more difficult than creating a long term plan is sticking to a plan for the long term. It’s difficult to make a long term plan because of the fear we have of either starting or the fear of failing. We have an opportunity today, Shabbat December 25, to embark upon a relatively easy long term goal that is consistent with our values and that could perhaps inspire and encourage us to make (and stick to) other long term goals: Mishna Yomit.

      The first Siyum Hashas for Daf Yomi (one page of Talmud per day, finishing after 7 plus years) took place on Tu B’Shevat, February 2, 1931. The primary venue was Rav Meir Shapiro’s own Yeshiva, which had recently opened, Chachmei Lublin Yeshiva in Lublin, Poland. Rav Meir presided and thousands attended. But seven and a half years later, in 1938, Rav Meir Shapiro had already passed away and the Jewish community needed to build on its accomplishment of Daf Yomi. Rav Meir’s replacement as rosh yeshiva, Rav Aryeh Tzvi Frommer, the Kozhiglover Rav, noticed that the goal of complete Torah mastery was still lacking. After all, there are many sections of the Mishnah that have no Gemara attached to them, particularly in the Sedarim (orders) of Zeraim and Tahorot. He envisioned a daily Mishnah Yomit program to fill in the gaps and established the program in 1938. The Nazis shut down the Chachmei Lublin Yeshiva and the Kozhiglover Rav was forced to flee, eventually arriving at the Warsaw Ghetto and ultimately was murdered by the Nazis at the Majdanek concentration camp on May 2, 1943.

      Fortunately, the story of Mishna Yomit does not end in Majdanek. Earlier, in 1935, Rav Frommer had travelled to Israel with two students who chose to settle there. One of them, Rav Yonah Shtenzel, later became affiliated with the Chief Rabbinate in Tel Aviv and was appointed to oversee kashrut in the city. Devastated by the Holocaust, Rav Shtenzel reached out to the Torah leaders of his day including Rabbi Isser Zalman Meltzer, Rabbi Moshe Feinstein, the Gerrer Rebbe and the Lubavitcher Rebbe for support for the Mishna Yomit project: To study two mishnayot each day in memory of the 6 million Jews murdered during the Holocaust.

      The start of the next Mishna Yomit cycle is Shabbat, December 25, 2021. I invite you to join me in embarking on this journey of Torah study that has the ability to connect us through the prism of Torah. We spend time on those things we value, and we value those things on which we spend time. There are many resources available to make participating in Mishna Yomit easier, including: https://www.sefaria.org/calendars and the newly released OU All Mishnah App, available in the Apple and Google App stores. If you are interested in embarking on this learning journey please let me know as I would love to create a community around Mishna Yomit to encourage each other and to celebrate our successes along the way.

 

Yaakov’s Retirement Years

 

      “And Jacob lived in the land of Egypt for seventeen years.” The Baal HaTurim notes that 17 is the numerical value of the Hebrew word “Tov” which alludes to the fact that Yaakov’s best years were the ones that he lived in Egypt. On one level, we can understand why these last years were so good for Yaakov. Until he arrived in Egypt, Yaakov’s life consisted of struggle after struggle: Eisav, Lavan, Dinah, Yosef. Once he arrives in Egypt, Yaakov’s struggles are behind him. However, on another level it is difficult to imagine that the years spent in a depraved and pagan society like Egypt, in a land that was not part of that which was promised to Avraham by Hashem, could be considered the best years of our patriarch’s life. Tradition has it that the Tzemach Tzedek, the third Rebbe of Chabad, asked this question to his grandfather, Rav Shneur Zalman of Liadi (aka the Alter Rebbe/ Baal HaTanya). The grandfather explained to his grandson that Yaakov spent his years in Egypt studying Torah. We learned in Parshat Vayigash that Yehuda was dispatched ahead of the rest of Yaakov’s family to make arrangements. Rashi quotes the Midrash that Yehuda established a Yeshiva for Torah study before Yaakov and the family arrived. Not only did Yaakov spend his twilight years studying Torah, but he was able to teach Torah to his children and grandchildren. Rashi explains at the beginning of Parshat Vayechi that Yosef’s son Ephraim had a regular chavrutah learning session with his grandfather Yaakov. Even though Yaakov did not live close by to Yosef, the relationship between grandfather and grandson was developed through time spent together in Torah study. It was due to this arrangement that Ephraim was on hand to alert his father of Yaakov’s health deterioration.

      It’s interesting to note that Yaakov was able to spend 17 years with Yosef- twice. Yosef is sold by his brothers at age 17. That means Yaakov and Yosef were together for the first 17 years of Yosef’s life, in addition to the final 17 years of Yaakov’s life.  

       Yaakov’s years in Egypt can be considered his retirement. With life expectancies on the rise and people changing jobs (and even professions) more frequently, the concept and expectations of retirement are changing. While some people live 20, 30 or more years after retirement, the average length of retirement today in America is 18 years. Eighteen years is a long time. Rabbi Sy Eckstein a’h (who lived in Hollywood after retiring from the Canadian Rabbinate and starting his next career in psychology and writing) was fond of the expression “You can’t just retire FROM something, you also have to retire TO something.” If we believe that every day of life contains potential to grow and to contribute in some way to this world, then 18 (or more) years of retirement contains within it great opportunities and great potential. Whether it is Torah study, other classes, reading, spending time with family/ friends, volunteering, traveling, or taking up a new hobby, job or career; retirement years contain unique opportunities to grow and to contribute. I encourage those in our community who are retired to consider the many opportunities that our shul offers to engage, grow and contribute. While the majority of our (adult) programs and events are open to all ages, we are proud of our Empty Nesters Group that currently hosts a monthly Lunch and Learn at shul as well as other periodic events. We are launching an Empty Nesters WhatsApp group to provide curated content for those in the empty nest/ retirement stages of life. If you are in this age demographic and have ideas for programs or events, please let me or Rabbi Frieberg know. From Yaakov’s years in Egypt we learn that every stage of life has its challenges- but also its opportunities. Let us always be on the lookout for opportunities- no matter what stage of life we find ourselves in.

Speak Softly (Big Stick Optional)

Once after church services, a pastor left his sermon on the lectern. A parishioner took a look and noticed that the pastor had written notes in the margins- instructions on HOW to deliver his remarks.

     One note said, “Go slow here, and emphasize.” Another note instructed: “Gesture upwards.” And at one point in the sermon the note read: “Argument very weak here. Yell loudly!”

     There’s a saying: “whoever shouts the loudest wins the argument.”

     There’s another saying “whoever shouts the loudest has the most to hide.”

     William Shakespeare said, “The empty vessel makes the loudest sound.”

     Shlomo Hamelech said it first דִּבְרֵ֣י חֲכָמִ֔ים בְּנַ֖חַת נִשְׁמָעִ֑ים מִזַּֽעֲקַ֥ת מוֹשֵׁ֖ל בַּכְּסִילִֽים: “The words of the wise are heard [when spoken] softly, more than the shout of a ruler of fools.”

     Rabbi Dr. Abraham Twerski utilizes this idea to explain Yehuda’s words to the viceroy of Egypt, whom we know to be his long lost brother Yosef, at the beginning of Parshat Vayigash:

וַיִּגַּ֨שׁ אֵלָ֜יו יְהוּדָ֗ה וַיֹּ֘אמֶר֘ בִּ֣י אֲדֹנִי֒ יְדַבֶּר־נָ֨א עַבְדְּךָ֤ דָבָר֙ בְּאָזְנֵ֣י אֲדֹנִ֔י . Then Judah approached him and said, "Please, my lord, let now your servant speak something into my lord's ears.”

     Yehuda believed that his argument for the release of Binyamin was very strong. In order to emphasize that what he was saying to Yosef was true and valid, Yehuda prefaced his argument by saying “I will speak softly. I will whisper my case into your ear.” 

     Yehuda is saying that he does not need to shout in order to make his point.  The content of Yehuda’s remarks will win the day, not the volume of how he says it.

     Here the Torah is teaching us effective communication. If you shout in an attempt to get your point across- the other person will most likely tune you out.

     Being loud betrays the weakness of your argument. Divrei Chachamim B’nachat nishma’in- we are heard best when we speak with resolve- but softly and gently.

     In his book, The Relationship Cure, Dr. John Gottman reveals that when it comes to assessing the meaning of what their partners are saying, only 7% of that meaning comes from the spoken word, while 38% comes from tone of voice and speech patterns. Words that were intended as neutral can become incendiary if spoken with a sarcastic, demeaning, or contemptuous tone of voice, causing the listener to feel hurt and disrespected.

     But while we’ve always known that tone of voice is an important part of clear communication, just how critical are things like vocal inflection, volume and pitch when it comes to the health of your relationship? According to a recent study that examined hundreds of conversations from over 100 couples during marriage therapy sessions- your tone of voice may be a key indicator of your marital success.

     Researchers at University of Southern California found that communication is not just about what you say, but how you say it. And the data showed that studying couples’ voices, rather than their behaviors, better predicted the eventual improvement or deterioration of the relationship. Whether we are seeking peace or need to do battle, let us appreciate the power of our spoken word. The loudest voices are not necessarily the correct voices. When we learn this lesson then we can hope to be heard, by others and by God.

Celebrating Two Faiths on Chanukah

 Our Parsha begins Vayehi Mikeitz Shenatayim Yamim. Yosef languished in jail for two more years before the Wine Steward, who had been freed, remembered to put in a good word for Yosef and get him out of jail. Rashi notes that Yosef was punished with an additional two years in prison for twice asking the Wine Steward to remember him. This is a difficult lesson to digest. After all, what was Yosef supposed to do? Only depend on God? Why was it problematic for Yosef to enlist the Wine Steward’s assistance?

Rav Chaim of Brisk is quoted as offering an important insight. Yosef asked TWICE for the Wine Steward to remember him, and as a result Yosef was punished with TWO more years in prison. Had Yosef asked ONCE for the wine steward’s help - then Yosef……. would not have been penalized at all, explains Rav Chaim.

Asking once is to be expected, it’s necessary. Yosef is not punished for asking for help. He was punished for putting all his eggs into the basket of faith in man and no eggs in the basket of faith in God.

Rabbi David Berger notes that a major theme of Chanukah is the tension - and harmony - between human effort and Divine assistance. On one hand we celebrate the miracle of the oil. This event was primarily a Divine miracle, but could not have occurred had the Maccabees not taken the initiative to light the small cruse of oil and hope to God for the best.

Chanukah also celebrates the military victory of the Chashmonaim over the Greeks. This ancient Jewish military victory, like modern ones during the 6 Day War in 1967, can be attributed to human bravery, strategy and tactics - as well as to God and His miracles. Most accurate would be to understand both causes for celebration on Chanukah as originating from this amalgam of human efforts and Hashem’sassistance - seemingly in conflict with one another but in reality working in harmony.

In the weekday Amidah we declare in the bracha of Al Hatzadikkim that “V’lo neivosh ki vecha batachnu. We will never be ashamed of depending on you God and including prayer in our response to the challenges of life.” Let us learn from both the story of Yosef and the story of Chanukah how important it is to foster both faith in ourselves and faith in Hashem.