Your Attitude Can Be a Blessing (or the Opposite)

 One of the lessons from Ki Tavo is that the blessings and curses as described in our Torah portion are self-imposed. God doesn’t bring about curses- we bring them onto ourselves. We know this to be true concerning the spiritual laws governing our existence: Our good deeds create goodness in this world and the opposite is true as well. We may not see it right away or fully understand how it works but it is a principle of faith.

 

 Not only our actions matter, but our attitudes also create blessings and curses

“Because you did not serve the Lord, your God, with happiness and with gladness of heart, when [you had an] abundance of everything.”

The Torah here provides us with two attitudes that can lead to self-imposed curses. First, a lack of “gladness of heart when you had an abundance”. Curses come about when we focus on the negative in our lives, without putting it into the context of all the blessings that surround us.

 

Second, the pasuk warns us against living a life without simcha. The Rambam writes about joy in his section on the Laws of Sukkot (described as the most joyous of holidays). The Rambam writes that when a person feels happy or inspired or ready to take a step in his/her growth, they should go for it. Don’t miss the opportunity. The Rambam continues in the next Halacha to warn us against hesitating in “taking the plunge” due to concerns about what other people might think or say about us. Maimonides brings the example of King David. During the rededication of the Aron, David leads the procession with great fanfare and intense dancing. His wife Michal rebuked King David for acting in such an enthusiastic manner; she thought it was unbecoming of the king’s stature. Our rabbis weigh in and say that Michal was wrong and King David was right. Once we research an issue, think deeply and make an action plan we should not worry about what others might think or say. Not taking the plunge due to what others might think can lead us on the slippery slope towards missing out on blessings, and even towards curses.

 

This reminds me of a saying, of unknown origins:

In our 20’s we worry a lot about what everyone else is saying about us and thinking about us.

In our 40’s we do not care what others think about us or say about us.

In our 60’s we realize that no one was thinking about us or speaking about us in the first place.

 

The sooner we realize this, the sooner we can embrace the simcha in our lives and do our part to bring about the blessings that are ready to come our way.

As we prepare for the New Year, let us resolve to avoid the pitfalls that can cause curses and prepare ourselves to be the receptacle necessary to receive all of the blessings that God has in store for us.

Resolving the Paradox of Power

 Why is it that many people in positions of power end up being accused of mistakes that cause them to lose those positions? Psychologists suggest an answer lies in what they call the paradox of power. The very traits that help leaders attain positions of power in the first place all but disappear once they rise to power. The good news is that Machiavelli was wrong. Nice guys (and gals) do not finish last. Studies have consistently shown that people give authority to those whom they genuinely like.  And the reverse has been shown as well: People that are not well-liked are usually never given a chance to become powerful.

The bad news shows up when these nice people actually attain power. Instead of being polite, honest and outgoing, they become impulsive reckless and rude. “It’s an incredibly consistent effect,” explained Dacher Keltner, a psychologist at UC Berkeley, “When you give people power, they basically start acting like fools.” Keltner compares the feeling of power to brain damage, noting that people with lots of authority tend to behave like neurological patients with a diminished capacity for empathy and decision making.

 Parshat Ki Teitzei addresses this paradox of power. Our Parsha contains many mitzvot that deal with situations in which there is an imbalance of power: debtor and lender, employee and employer, widows and orphans and those in a more secure socioeconomic status. How do we ensure that powerful people treat more vulnerable in the proper way, as the Torah requires?  Three ways:

One way is through transparency. The worst abuses of power can be prevented if people knew that they’re being monitored. When describing the laws associated with each of these imbalances of power, the Torah interjects Hashem into what seemingly is purely an issue between human beings. For instance when it comes to the obligation to treat the debtor with dignity, the Torah adds, “Ulecha Tihyeh Tzedaka Lifnei Hashem Elokecha”- “it will be an act of righteousness- before Hashem your God.” The Torah similarly includes mention of Hashem when it comes to the timely payment of employees and the treatment of widows and orphans (in the seventh aliyah). The Torah is reminding powerful people that God is always watching, and this realization should provide the transparency necessary to combat the paradox of power.

 A second way is to foster a sense of sympathy and identification with the other party. The Torah calls the debtor “Reyacha”, your fellow, your friend. Even if the two do not normally hang out in the same social circles, the lender must realize that lack of capital does not lower the debtor’s standing in the eyes of God, nor should it do so in the eyes of the lender.

The third strategy for avoiding the pitfalls of power is by addressing any delusions of grandeur. The Torah reminds us, “Vezacharta ki eved hayita B’Mitzrayim.” “Remember that you were a slave in Egypt.” This is not only a reminder of our shared humble beginnings, but also a reminder of our shared history and shared identity. The debtor and lender, the employer and employee, the widow and orphan we are all equal in our collective experience of the Exodus from Egypt, the moment that transformed us not only into a Nation but into a caring community.

We are in the midst of Elul, crunch time for High Holidays preparation. The same tactics utilized to avoid the paradox of power are those strategies that can empower us for the High Holidays: appreciate the transparency in our lives, reject any delusions of grandeur, and foster a heightened sense of sympathy. In this way Parshat Ki Teitzei can help us realize that power need not be a paradox. By following the Torah’s advice, it is not only plausible but probable that power can be harnessed as a force for good, benefitting ourselves and the world around us.

The King’s Two Torahs

 The 613^th and last mitzvah in the Torah is the commandment for each individual to write a Torah scroll. In Parshat Shoftim the Torah teaches that there is one person who is required to write a second Torah for himself. While we might have thought that a second Torah is appropriate for the Kohen Gadol as a spiritual leader or the Chief Justice of the Sanhedrin due to his legal expertise and leadership, we learn that it is the political leader, the king, who is required to write a second Torah.

Rav Kook explained who a Jewish king needs a second Torah. At Har Sinai the Jewish People accepted the Torah on two levels: personal and national. The Torah comes to refine and elevate a person and a nation. However, whereas most people are in general agreement as to what it means for an individual to be moral and ethical, it is much more difficult to find consensus on what does it mean for a nation to be moral and ethical. The king, as representative of the nation, writes a second Torah to demonstrate his (and our) commitment to utilize Torah values to guide us on a national level. In the Diaspora this means that Jewish communities must seek ways to live our Jewish values in how we operate.

In Israel this challenge is greater, for the Jewish State is supposed to be governed by Jewish values. The Jewish People went almost 2,000 years without the opportunity to apply Jewish values to the bureaucracy and institutions of the state, such as the legislature and judiciary. Without a lived tradition of how to do this, the State of Israel has been a blessed and miraculous experiment in how to apply Jewish values to nation building while navigating all of the challenges such as: partisanship and differences of opinion, protecting minority rights, national defense, building and economy, the list goes on and on. One example of this challenge is the debate in Israel today regarding judicial reform. While it is easy in a hyper-partisan climate to simplify a debate and caricaturize the opposing views, the reality is more complex and more nuanced.

Rav Kook cautioned regarding the moral and spiritual dangers inherent in political life:

“We must not allow the tendency toward factionalism, which threatens most strongly at the inception of a political movement, to deter us from seeking justice and truth, from loving all of humanity, both the collective and the individual, from love for the Jewish people, and from the holy obligations that are unique to Israel. We are commanded not only to be holy individuals, but also, and especially, to be ‘a kingdom of priests and a holy nation.”

The Blessing that Emerges through Listening

Our Parsha is named Re’eh which means to see. Yet the focus of Moshe’s message to the people at that time- and to us today- in this week’s Torah reading is the importance of listening:

The blessing, that you will listen to the commandments of the Lord your God, which I command you today; and the curse, if you will not listen to the commandments of the Lord your God, but turn away from the way I command you this day, to follow other gods, which you did not know.

Just as it is important to listen to God, it is also important to listen to other human beings, who were created B’TZelem Elokim, in the Divine image. Humans who are endowed with the most sophisticated capacity for speech are called upon to be the most intensive listeners. Listening to others is a validation of their existence. It can also be a tacit admission of humility; that I don’t know everything and that someone else may be able to teach me something, if only I listen. Our task is to listen to others, especially to those with whom we disagree and especially to the smaller weaker voices of those who are often marginalized.

A famous Jewish saying teaches that God endowed us with two ears and one mouth so that we would listen more than we would speak.  High school and colleges have classes in public speaking, but perhaps we need more focus on developing our listening skills.

The pesukim I quoted earlier introduce us to the choice we have between blessing and curse. What is unusual is that nowhere in this Parsha does Moshe actually describe for us what the blessings or the curses will look like? How will we be blessed? How will we experience the curses?

The Torah is teaching us that the origins of Bracha is Asher Tishme’u; blessing comes to those who are willing to listen to others. While the road towards curses begins Im Lo Tishme’u: when we are unwilling to listen to other, whether it be God and other people.

One of the first skills taught in Social Work graduate schools is how to listen to others. Sometimes people want you to solve their problems. Sometimes people want you to give them advice. Sometimes people just want to be heard, they want to be validated. Oftentimes just listening to someone with one’s full attention and compassion helps the person; either by helping them figure out the solution or at least feel better that someone else cares about them.

I like to listen more than I like to speak. I know that may be hard to believe, considering the amount of public speaking required in my job. But I strive to be a good listener, and I enjoy the positive outcomes that emerge when people really listen to one another. Though my job can be busy, I always have time in my week to meet with community members and hear about whatever it is you would like to speak about. To schedule a time to meet, I can be reached through Chana at the shul office or by email.

This Shabbat is Shabbat Mevorchim Elul. Elul is a month for preparation, for reflection and for resolutions. One of the famous teachings on the name of the month is that Elul is an acronym for Ani L’Dodi V’Dodi Li (“I am for my beloved, and my beloved is for me”). The only way we can succeed in creating and sustaining loving relationships, whether that be with Hashem or others, is if we are willing to do the hard, yet rewarding, work of listen.