In Parshat Ki Teitzei the Torah says, ווְלֹֽא־אָבָ֞ה ה אֱ-לֹהֶ֨יךָ֙ לִשְׁמֹ֣עַ אֶל־בִּלְעָ֔ם וַיַּֽהֲפֹךְ֩ ה אֱ-לֹהֶ֧יךָ לְּךָ֛ אֶת־הַקְּלָלָ֖ה לִבְרָכָ֑ה כִּ֥י אֲהֵֽבְךָ֖ ה אֱ-לֹהֶֽיךָ: But the Lord, your God, did not want to listen to Balaam. So the Lord, your God, transformed the curse into a blessing for you, because the Lord, your God, loves you. The difficulty with this Pasuk is that in Parshat Balak, we find no reference to any curse uttered by Bilaam that God would have had to reverse into a blessing. Balak, the King of Moav, wanted Bilaam to curse the Jews; but Bilaam only managed to express blessings before Balak fires him. Taking note of this difficulty, Rabbi Yochanan in Masechet Sanhedrin (105b) teaches us: “From the blessings pronounced by that wicked man (Bilaam), you can deduce what was actually in his heart.” Some understand Rabbi Yochanan to mean that Bilam actually wanted to say the opposite of the blessing that emerged from his mouth. But what if Bilaam’s evil intent was predicated on actually saying blessings? Praise can be given with two different intentions. I can give praise that encourages the recipient to strive and want to do better. Or I can give praise that causes the person to feel that they have no reason to work any harder. Psychologists today are concerned that in America we are raising a generation of over-indulged children. One of the symptoms they see is parents who are prone to over-praise. Although it may come from noble and loving motivations, over-praise can backfire and make the child addicted to praise. It can give that child an unrealistic notion of his own capacity and talent. It can also lead a child to reason that she does not need to strive for improvement, because praise will be offered regardless. Bilaam as a prophet understood that praise can be extremely motivating or extremely harmful. His words were meant to lull Bnei Yisrael into a sense of complacency. There was no accompanying call to action or improvement within Bilaam’s blessings. It is when people feel that there is nothing more to achieve that they are most prone for complacency and failure. Through his blessings, Bilaam was attempting to convince Bnei Yisrael that they have already achieved far beyond what was to be expected of them. Inherent within Bilaam’s supposed blessing is the message that they were fine just as they were, even if they did not improve anymore, and even if they slacked off a bit. As we guard ourselves against the repercussions of over-praising we must be careful not to go to the other extreme. A few years ago parents in Nashville Tennessee complained that schools were publicizing the names of students who made honor roll or attained other academic achievements. They were concerned that the publicity would harm the self-esteem of some of the non-honor students. A school attorney found an old Tennessee state law that prohibits the release of a student’s academic records without parental consent. In response, the schools stopped publicizing the honor roll. One school refused to publicize the name of their Spelling Bee winner. A principal was not allowed to release the names of the high scorers from a school basketball game. In the end sanity prevailed, and Nashville schools once again publicize honor roll students- only now it is only with a parent’s permission. We must be on guard for excessive praise, but we should also be wary of any effort that seeks to overemphasize all achievements or to ignore all of them equally. According to this philosophy, either everyone gets praised or nobody does. This is an incorrect and potentially dangerous and demotivating philosophy. As the story of Bilaam taught, the way one praises/ blesses others indicates our true feelings for that person. Let us be careful that our praise – for ourselves, our shul and each other- be heartfelt, realistic, and used as motivation for reaching even greater achievements.
