"Having It All": Lessons from An Eved Ivri

In a fascinating piece entitled, “Why the Modern Orthodox Family Model Works- and What We Can Learn From It” Professor Sylvia Barak Fishman describes the many virtues of today’s typical Modern Orthodox household and lessons that can be learned for the broader Jewish community. She quotes an idea from Rachel Bernstein, that Modern Orthodox Jews are able to manage and excel in all “three shifts” of adult life.

The “first shift” in adulthood comes during the training for and attaining of employment. Studies show that Modern Orthodox Jews achieve higher rates of college graduates than other Jewish denominations (64% among Modern Orthodox) Younger Modern Orthodox families have the highest average household incomes among all denominations. These statistics indicate that a traditional lifestyle is no impediment to high educational and professional achievements.

The “second shift” occurs at marriage, and during child bearing and raising; when housework is added to an adult’s list of responsibilities. A greater percentage of Modern Orthodox Jews ages 25-54 are married than any other Jewish denomination. Orthodox families average 4 children, almost double the number in Conservative and Reform families.

The “third shift” according to Bernstein, occurs when adults seek meaning in their lives through tradition and religious observance. Here too Modern Orthodox women and men thrive. According to a recent Nishma study, “community” and “Shabbat” are primary sources of satisfaction and pleasure in the lives of most Modern Orthodox Jews. The Jewish calendar, whether Shabbat and Yom Tov, or Purim and Yom Haatzmaut, create opportunities for family time, to disconnect from the hustle of work, and reconnect with community, with oneself and with God.

Let me quote from Professor Barack Fishman’s conclusion:

“The Modern Orthodox family model of high education, high occupational status, high income- and high fertility- may have implications for all of us diverse American Jews across the denominational spectrum…. Perhaps it is possible to have it “all- education, career, family and tradition? It’s stressful, but attainable for many of those who want it, as our findings show- and certainly worth a shot.”

The first mitzvah mentioned in Parshat Mishpatim is the rules governing a Jewish slave. If a Jew steals and is unable to pay it back, s/he must work off the debt. The maximum length of mandated service is 6 years, after which the Jewish slave goes free. The Torah mentions a scenario in which the slave chooses to remain (Exodus 21:5):

“If the bondsman shall say, ‘I love my master, my wife and my children- I shall not go free.”

In such a case the Torah says that the slave’s ear should be pierced, after which he remains a slave.

The Talmud in Kiddushin (22b) understands this ceremony to be a punishment. God is frustrated with a person who chooses to remain a servant, when really mankind is meant to only be servants to God.

In this episode the Torah describes a person who is committed to his current occupation (the “first shift”) and his family (the “second shift”). Sounds like a responsible and praiseworthy individual. Yet the Torah critiques this person for remaining within the first “two shifts” of life and not working towards “having it all.” The servant allows his spiritual growth to be stunted by remaining in the employ of his master, instead of going out on his own to develop his “third shift” through tradition, religious observance religious meaning.

Juggling work, family and religion is similar to balancing the needs of our mind, body and soul. It is challenging, but doable. Let us pray and work hard to ensure that we glean the benefits of excelling in all three shifts in our life.