In Parshat Vayeitzei, Leah gives birth to four sons in a row. Each
of the first three sons are given names by Leah that speak of her “less-loved
status” compared to Rachel and her hopes that the child will increase Yaakov’s love
for her:
Reuven: G-d has seen my humiliation, for now my husband will love
me.
Shimon: God has heard that I am unloved.
Levi: This time my husband will become attached to me, for I bore
him three sons.
Her fourth son she names Yehuda, because Hapaam Odeh Et Hashem-
this time let me gratefully praise Hashem.
We might say
better late than never- at least Leah finally expresses gratitude to G-d, if
not at the first child, then at least at the birth of Yehuda.
However the Ibn Ezra writes that Leah was punished for not
expressing gratitude earlier. As the pasuk tells us immediately after Yehuda is
named, “Va’ta’amod miledet,” Leah stopped giving birth. What was Leah’s
mistake?
Number 1: Habituation
and routine are impediments to gratitude. Leah got used to having children,
expecting it to happen without complication. So much so that by the third son,
she leaves G-d out of the picture. Once something is expected, we no longer
feel grateful for its presence; if anything we are annoyed by its absence. We
must remember that the most important blessings are those that are consistent.
As a parent I struggle with this. I want to do special things for
and with my children. And the first few times I do so, I will hear expressions
of gratitude, even without my wife having to say, “What do you say now that
Abba took you on this fun trip?”
But all too soon the novelty wears off, the expressions of thanks
are fewer and farther between, and it comes to the point where such treatment
is expected.
Number 2: Feelings
of entitlement impede gratitude. Rashi quotes the Medrash Tanchuma that
Leah knew through Divine inspiration that there would be twelve tribes and 4
wives. The assumption was that each wife would have three sons. So Leah only
expressed gratitude upon the birth of her fourth son, when she had more sons
than she felt entitled to. The message from G-d was only that there would be 4
wives and 12 tribes, not necessarily that the tribes would be split evenly
(that ended up not happening). It’s entirely plausible that one of the wives
would have no children. When we walk around with a sense of entitlement, it
makes it more difficult to express gratitude- because we feel as if we deserve
what we get- we are owed it. Such a perspective makes gratitude very difficult.
Number 3: Our
ability to be grateful is impeded when we compare our lot in life with those
whom we consider to be more fortunate. The problem with that is two-fold.
First of all, as explained above- this perspective rarely takes into account
how much worse off we could be. Second, you can’t judge someone until you’ve
walked in their shoes. I may think that someone else has a better life than I
do. However if I saw the full picture or knew the entire story- I would be
grateful for what I have. The Rabbis explain that compared to Rachel, Leah felt
unloved, even hated. When stuck in that frame of mind it is difficult for a
person to count their blessings and feel grateful for what they have.
Psychologists have
studied the importance of gratitude to the individual and society. Grateful
people report higher levels of positive emotions, life satisfaction, vitality,
optimism and lower levels of depression and stress.
Jews are called
Yehudim, those who descend from Yehuda but also those who are grateful. On this
weekend before Thanksgiving / Shabbat Vayeitzei let us resolve to cultivate our
attitude of gratitude.
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