Ki Tisa

 

      Towards the beginning of Parshat Ki Tisa Moshe is commanded to build the Kiyor. The command’s placement in Parshat Ki Tisa is strange. The command to construct the Mishkan and its vessels was already delineated in Parshat Teruma.

      The uniqueness of the Kiyor goes further. In Parshat Pekudei, the Torah gives us an exact accounting of the precious metals used in the construction of the various Keilim, and here too the Kiyor is absent from the list. The Kiyor stands alone twice. Why?

      Rashi explains that the bronze of the Kiyor is not accounted for because it was not constructed from funds and materials dedicated to the general Mishkan building fund. Rather the Kiyor was funded by donor-directed gifts from the righteous Jewish women who contributed their personal mirrors for the Kiyor. That explains why the Kiyor is missing from the summation in Parshat Pekudei, but it does not explain why it stands alone in our Parsha this morning.

      The Midrash Tanchuma provides background information to this donation. It seems that Moshe was hesitant to accept the women’s donation of their mirrors. It is understandable that Moshe, who was the epitome of humility, would have difficulty accepting an instrument of vanity for use in the Holy Temple. That is why Hashem had to tell Moshe: “Accept these mirrors, they are more precious to me than anything else.”

      While still suffering as slaves in Egypt, the husbands could not even think about having children. The Jewish women understood that even in difficult times children are a blessing and a necessity for the future of the Jewish People. So with the help of their mirrors they would seduce their husbands in order to perpetuate and increase Bnei Yisrael. The Kiyor stands alone not only due to the source of its donation, but also due to the incredible lesson: the holiness of children and the Mitzvah of child rearing. 

      Rabbi Stephen Baars, creator of a marriage and parenting seminar, argues that many interpersonal conflicts between spouses and friends could be solved if we just extended the underpinnings of the parent child dynamic to our other relationships.

      When it comes to raising children, parents expect hard work and do not have expectations in return. When there is some positive return on the investment of parenting, we are pleasantly surprised. For example, if one of my children (when they get older) would make the family dinner- I’d be thrilled. Not only thrilled, but I would shout from the rooftops and let everyone know. In all families, spouses make dinner or do other chores all the time. Our friends also do us favors, both small and large. Do we stop to take pleasure in that moment, or do we take it for granted? Everyone would agree that parenting is all about giving. Why can’t other relationships be predicated on that same spirit of giving?

    When it comes to our children, we are success-focused. If a child has a problem, most parents will leave no stone unturned in order to find a fix to the situation. And yet when it comes to marriages and relationships, people are often too quick to walk away from the situation.

      With our children we can forgive and forget. We may be disappointed, but we move on and look forward to better things. Why can’t that same charitable spirit be the basis of all of our other relationships?

      We now understand the uniqueness of the Kiyor and why it must stand alone. The washbasin symbolizes the sacrifice of the righteous women in Egypt to have children. The Kiyor also reminds us of the unique effort and selflessness that is required in the parent-child relationship. As the mirrors on the Kiyor reflected his image, I imagine the Kohein thinking about the underpinnings of parenting that can be carried over to other relationships in our lives. And as we think about Parshat Ki Tisa, so should we.