The
Talmud (Yerushalmi Sotah 1:4) tells the story of a woman who went out Friday
night to hear a shiur from the great Rabbi Meir. The shiur ran long and the
woman arrived home later than expected. Her husband was fuming and forbade his
wife from entering their home again- until she spat in Rabbi Meir’s face. Upon
hearing of this unfortunate situation Rabbi Meir devised a ruse. He found this
woman and told her that he had been diagnosed with an eye ailment, and the only
remedy was human saliva- he needed someone to spit in his eye. The woman was
willing to oblige, and promptly spat seven times- in Rabbi Meir’s eye- in front
of his entire Beit Midrash. She was then able to return home and inform her
husband that she went above and beyond his unreasonable request.
Rabbi Meir’s students approached their
teacher and asked how he could allow himself to be spat upon. There is a
concept that Torah scholars must maintain their dignity at all times, not for
their own sake but for the sake of the Torah that they possess and represent.
Rabbi Meir explained that he was simply following God’s lead.
ומה אם שם הקודש שנכתב בקדושה אמר הכתוב שיימחה על המים בשביל להטיל שלום
בין איש לאשתו. וכבוד מאיר לא כל שכן
Rabbi Meir is referring to the procedure
of the Sotah, described in this morning’s Parsha. If a woman is suspected of
engaging in an extra-marital affair, she may be brought to the Beit Hamikdash
and forced to drink from the bitter waters prepared by the Kohen. In the water,
the Kohen dissolves a piece of scroll that includes a curse that is written in
our Torah portion and includes the Shem Hashem. Under normal circumstances, we
are not allowed to erase God’s name. And yet in this case Hashem allows His
name to be erased. Says Rabbi Meir, “I certainly cannot be more concerned with
my honor than Hashem.”
It’s a beautiful idea- Hashem is willing
to have His name erased for Shalom Bayit, to promote domestic harmony (Makkot
11a). But it doesn’t fully answer the question: why does Hashem emphasize the
importance of Shalom Bayit by allowing us to do something that is usually
forbidden? The process of clarifying the Sotah’s status is miraculous enough:
if she is innocent she is visibly blessed, and if she is guilty she is
noticeably cursed. In a situation that is already devoid of the expected levels
of G-dliness, why exacerbate the situation by physically erasing G-d’s name as
part of the ceremony?
Rabbi Eliyahu Lopian explains that by
allowing His name to be erased, Hashem demonstrates His willingness to take
initiative and extend Himself in ways He normally would not in order to
improve the relationship between husband and wife. In so doing the Torah is
teaching us an important lesson: When it comes to Chesed, when it comes to
promoting and enhancing our relationships- we must not take a wait and see
attitude or merely be reactive. We must be proactive.
At our Tehillim gathering last week for
Israel, I mentioned how important it is to “carry the burden” of our brothers
and sisters in Israel during this difficult time. It is no less important for
each of us to “carry the burden” of our friends, neighbors and community members
that need our empathy, sympathy or support. Chesed is a pillar of our
community. We must always be on the lookout for ways to nurture a culture of
caring within our kehillah. And even if we may have missed opportunities to be
there for someone else, we should not give up or stop trying. For when it comes
to Chesed it really is never too late. Let us learn from Hashem’s willingness
to be proactive, take initiative, and extend Himself by the Sotah, and apply
those attitudes towards our fellow community
members.
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