Mourning the Loss of Emotional Intelligence

If I may borrow a recent term from the world of psychology, the destruction of the Beit Hamikdash caused a profound loss of Emotional Intelligence. There is some dispute as to the definition of Emotional intelligence and whether Emotional Intelligence, or EI, really exists. But Emotional Intelligence is explained as the ability to monitor one’s own and others’ feelings and emotions and to use that information to guide one’s thinking and action towards healthy, constructive and positive outcomes.

The relationship between Tisha B’Av and our inability to feel for others is well documented. The Gemara in Gittin tells us that the destruction occurred due to the type of behavior that is exemplified by the story of Kamtza and Bar Kamtza; where the host at a party had total disregard for his fellow Jew’s feelings. Yerushalayim is referred to by Dovid Hamelech as Ir Shechubra La Yachdav, the original city of brotherly love. The Beit Hamikdash had the ability to unite Jews, really all humans, in the pursuit of shared goals and common values. Sinat Chinam, baseless hatred and factionalism, was the cause of the destruction of the Second Temple. But Sinat Chinam is also an outcome of the absence of our Beit Hamikdash. Without a spiritual focal point sympathy and empathy become more difficult for us. Divisiveness within the Jewish People becomes more common because each group focuses on themselves without thinking about the other. It is the most vicious of cycles: Our Sinat Chinam led to the Churban and yet without a Beit Hamikdash Jewish unity is elusive. We continue to exacerbate the problem by adding fuel to the fire

In addition to being a locus for our caring for others, the Beit Hamikdash was also the location for self-reflection and personal development. It was the site at which teshuva, repentance, would reach its apex when atonement was achieved on both a personal level (by the sinner bringing a Korban) and on the communal level (through the Temple service daily and on Yom Kippur). The Churban has not only limited our ability to feel for others, but the destruction has also we stunted our ability to feel for ourselves. We lack a critical forum for self-evaluation and self-awareness. In order to mourn for the Beit Hamikdash, we have to make sure that we are able to mourn anything- to feel something! We must strive to be emotionally aware enough to utilize our feelings in a constructive manner.

The ultimate goal of the Three Weeks is to feel real loss and mourn over the Beit Hamikdash. To help achieve that goal we add personal and contemporary facets to the mourning. But even if we don’t reach the goal, there is value in the process. If we do not properly feel the loss of the Temple, then can we at least feel something? It is not easy to be emotionally aware; it takes time and effort. That is why our mourning process does just begin on Tisha B’av. As we enter into the month of Av, let us utilize this time to develop our emotional intelligence to the degree that Tisha b’Av will be meaningful.