How We Can Learn From Everyone

 

At the beginning of Parshat Yotro we learn the names of Moshe’s two sons and their meanings:

אֵ֖ת שְׁנֵ֣י בָנֶ֑יהָ אֲשֶׁ֨ר שֵׁ֤ם הָֽאֶחָד֙ גֵּֽרְשֹׁ֔ם כִּ֣י אָמַ֔ר גֵּ֣ר הָיִ֔יתִי בְּאֶ֖רֶץ נָכְרִיָּֽה:

וְשֵׁ֥ם הָֽאֶחָ֖ד אֱלִיעֶ֑זֶר כִּֽי־אֱ-לֹהֵ֤י אָבִי֙ בְּעֶזְרִ֔י וַיַּצִּלֵ֖נִי מֵחֶ֥רֶב פַּרְעֹֽה:

One of whom was named Gershom, because he said, "I was a stranger in a foreign land,"

And one who was named Eliezer, because "The God of my father came to my aid and rescued me from Pharaoh's sword."

The words “he said” when it comes to Gershom’s name seem superfluous, and they are not found when the Torah explains Eliezer’s name. This led the Baal HaTurim to suggest that “he said” refers not to Moshe, but to Yitro. The Midrash in Shemot tells a story that when Moshe went to Midyan he asked permission from Yitro to marry Tziporah. Yitro gave his permission with the condition that Moshe’s firstborn child be trained to become a priest of idolatry; to grow up steeped in pagan studies and pagan culture. Moshe had no choice but to agree to this condition because Yitro reminded Moshe of his “outside” status in Midyan. Based on this Midrash the Baal HaTurim suggests that it was Yitro who said/ reminded Moshe that he was a stranger in a strange land. And that’s why Moshe’s first born son, Gershom, would have to be committed to a life of idolatry.

 

While there are a number of questions to ask on this Midrash, Ra Chaim Shmulevitz focuses on the fact that Tziporah married Moshe after Yitro had already “found the God of the Jewish People” and rejected all other forms of worship. If that is the case, then why would Yitro want his grandson raised to worship idolatry? Rav Shmulevitz suggested that Yitro felt that every step along his journey from idolatry to Hashem was worthwhile and made him into the person that he became. He felt that the best way to arrive at the truth is through a journey of discovery. Yitro wanted his grandson to arrive at Hashem and Torah in the same manner: through a process of exposure, discovery, rejecting other deities and ultimately embracing Hashem.

 

While this had to be Yitro’s journey it is not the best or only journey for a Jew. One need not experience “what’s out there” before embracing what has been part of his/her home all along. Parents have a right and responsibility to teach their children about the mistakes that they have made so that children can learn from their parents’ mistakes instead of making them again unnecessarily. While proper modeling is critical, it is also legitimate to tell people (especially our children) “Learn from my mistakes. Do as I say (now, and not as I did (then)”.

 

Ben Zoma teaches in Pirkei Avot (4:1) “Who is wise? One who learns from everyone.” We learn from some people’ good deeds and successes and we seek to emulate those in our own lives. But to be really wise we must also be willing to learn from cautionary tales. We must be willing to learn from others’ mistakes, and we should not feel the need to make those mistakes for ourselves. Yitro was an amazing figure. He learned from his mistakes and came to embrace Hashem. We should all be like Yitro. But instead of making those same mistakes, we should learn from Yitro and try to avoid them.