Give or Take- But Know How to Take

 

There is an enigmatic line at the beginning of Parshat Terumah. Hashem commands Moshe to tell Bnei Yisrael to embark upon a much needed building campaign (25:2):

דַּבֵּר֙ אֶל־בְּנֵ֣י יִשְׂרָאֵ֔ל וְיִקְחוּ־לִ֖י תְּרוּמָ֑ה

“Speak to the children of Israel, and have them take for Me a donation”

The Jewish People are being informed of the need to raise funds and collect materials in order to build the Mishkan. We would expect Hashem to command the people “to give a donation”, yet the word used is to “take a donation”. This question is raised by many commentators throughout the ages and one famous answer is the same sentiment expressed by Amschel Rothschild, that what really belongs to us forever are those things that we give to others and dedicate to good causes greater than ourselves. “The more you give, the more you get” is not merely a cliché but a profoundly Jewish way to look at life and to live life.

Rabbi Dr. Abraham Twerski offers an alternate explanation. Instead of focusing on the power and importance of giving, Rabbi Dr Twerski sees in this pasuk a reminder of the importance of taking. While conventional wisdom teaches that it is easy to take and sometimes more difficult to give, some people feel that accepting help of any kind is demeaning.

The Mishnah in Peah (8:9) teaches: “And anyone who does not need to take [charity] and yet takes, will not depart from this world before he actually needs [charity] from others. And anyone who needs to take and does not take, will not die of old age until he supports others with his own money.” It seems from this Mishnah that self-sufficiency is the highest value, even if a person needs help s/he should refrain from taking. However, Rabbi Ovadia MiBartenura explains this Mishnah by adding an important caveat:

“However if the work of his hands is not sufficient for him and he afflicts himself in a life of pain that near death, on this they said, that whomever needs to take and does not take, he is like one who sheds blood and it is forbidden to have mercy upon him, for he does not have consideration for his own soul, how much more so upon the souls of others.”

Rabbi Dr. Twersky explains that people who are incapable of accepting assistance when needed often suffer from low self-esteem which can negatively impact not only one’s perception of self but also their relationships with others. He retells a story from his own practice to highlight this idea: (Twersky on Chumash pg. 157)

One of my patients, a woman who was recovering from alcoholism, confided in a friend that her furnace had broken down in the midst of a frigid spell and she had slept three nights in an unheated apartment. Her friend said, “You could have stayed at my house for those three nights.” She responded, “I don’t like to impose on anyone.”

I called this patient and I told her that I was disappointed because I was hopeful that she could be helpful to newcomers in recovery. She said, “Please, you can call on me at any time.” I said, “I’m sorry, but I cannot. Anyone who cannot accept help has no right to give it.” 

Perhaps the Torah uses a language of “taking” when it comes to the Mishkan to teach us that while giving is good and commendable, if we want to strengthen all of our relationships (with others, with Hashem, and with ourselves) we have to also be able to take at times.