Yes, We Can Learn from Everyone

“Only a fool learns from his own mistakes, a wise man from the mistakes of others.”

I must disagree with the first half of this quote from Otto von Bismarck. It is not foolish to learn from one’s own mistakes. It is prudent. Learning from our mistakes transforms failures into growth opportunities. One might argue that to make mistakes in the first place is what is foolish. I disagree. It requires great strength and confidence to take the risks that can sometimes lead to mistakes and failures. As any entrepreneur will tell you one can learn more from mistakes than from successes. This is the thesis of the book Brilliant Mistakes, in which author Paul Schoemaker argues that 99% of successes emerge from failures. This leads to 3 recommendations that Schoemaker addresses to business leaders, but are applicable each of us:

1. Mistakes should be expected and planned for

2. Once made, mistakes should be thoroughly explored and viewed as a resource going forward. As

Schoemaker puts it, “you’ve already paid the tuition so why not get the learning?”

3. Making mistakes that emerge from risk taking (and not just laziness) should be encouraged.

We can all agree on the second half of Bismarck’s saying: A wise person learns from the mistakes of others.

We often think about how we can learn from role models, from people who possess qualities to which we aspire, from people who act in ways that we consider noble and good. But we are limiting ourselves if we only learn from role models and heroes. There is something to learn from everyone. This is stated explicitly in Chapter Four of Pirkei Avot: “Eizehu Chacham? Who is wise? Halomed Mikol Adam: One who learns from everyone.”

EVERYONE?! Are we sure that everyone has something to teach us? The answer is yes. We can learn from everyone. From some people we learn how to act. And from others we learn what not to do. It’s actually more complicated than that. In a world where people are not caricatures of good or evil, but rather complex, it is more likely that we encounter people in our lives that we are inspired to emulate them in some ways while looking to contrast our behavior with how they act at other times.

The closer the relationship, the more likely we are to engage in both learning from comparisons and learning from contrasts. Take parents as an example. In an ideal situation children learn many positive lessons from their parents. But parents are not perfect, and children also witness parental mistakes and inconsistencies. One of the ways children grow and develop is by learning in both ways from their parents: ie what to do and also what not to do.

The story of the Daughters of Tzelafchad contain an example of such modeling. The Rabbis in Masechet Shabbat dispute what Tzelafchad’s sin was. Rabbi Akiva says that he was the “M’koshesh Eitzim,” the person who gathered wood on Shabbat and was stoned for this transgression. Rabbi Shimon says that Tzelafchad was a member of the Ma’apilim, the group that in response to the sin of the spies decided to travel to Israel against God’s advice and with fatal results.

Tzelafchad’s daughters were able to learn from their father’s mistake. Not only that, but they were able to emulate the positive motivations that may have influenced Tzelafchad.

If Tzelafchad was a member of the Ma’apilim, then we see his daughters demonstrating their father’s Chibat Tzion, a love and zeal for Eretz Yisrael that they were able to channel in an appropriate fashion.

And if Tzelafchad was the Mekoshesh Eitzim, the wood-gatherer, then his daughters found the teachable lesson from that sin too. According to some, the wood-gatherer desecrated Shabbat “L’shem Shamayim”. He martyred himself to warn the people of the severity of Sabbath desecration and the veracity of the Torah’s justice system.

This desire to serve as a case study for Bnei Yisrael and to show the validity of the Torah was harnessed by Tzelafchad’s daughters and utilized appropriately. The daughters of Tzelafchad were able to redeem their father’s place in history, by learning from him both what to do and what NOT to do. Their story is a powerful example of the lesson from Pirkei Avot: To be wise means to learn from everyone: what to abandon and what to embrace.