Gratitude – Even Without the Drama

 Parshat Bo describes the tenth and final plague with which Hashem struck the Egyptians: the death of the firstborn. We have a mitzvah to remember Yetziat Mitzrayim on a daily basis, and we fulfill this obligation by reciting the third paragraph of Shema. Of all ten plagues, only the last plague is commemorated through a specific and unique mitzvah. The Sefer Hachinuch (Mitzvah 392 and Mitzvah 22) suggests that Pidyon Haben serves as a reminder of Makkat Bechorot and it is a way of expressing gratitude to Hashem for saving the Jewish firstborns. At a Pidyon Haben, the father gives the Kohen five silver coins and the Kohen “gives back” the baby. One especially poignant aspect of this ceremony is the language utilized by the Kohen at the beginning of the ceremony: In Aramaic it is: “Ma Ba’it Tfei”, ‘which do you prefer more?” In this case the question is very specific: does the father prefer to keep his five silver coins or does he prefer to “get back” his son? I think the question of “Mah Ba’it Tfei” is one that can be directed to us all. It needs to reverberate and resound in all of our ears, regardless of whether or not we have performed a Pidyon Haben. In life we might wish we could “have it all” but in truth such a goal is elusive. Our time, effort, and attention are finite resources. We are often left with a question: what are our priorities? What will we spend more time on, and where will we spend less of our attention? When it comes to the attention and effort necessary to raise children “Mah Ba’it T’fei?” What are our greatest hopes and dreams for our children, both our biological offspring and our Jewish future? Once we identify those goals we must ask ourselves what we are doing to facilitate those aspirations. Are we putting in the necessary effort to achieve those goals? The question, though arises: If Pidyon Haben commemorates Makkat Bechorot, then why is the mitzvah limited in scope? In Egypt all firstborn sons were affected by the plague. Yet the mitzvah of Pidyon Haben only applies to the firstborn son of the mother and only when that firstborn son is born naturally. If the wife had a child but this is the husband’s first born son- that baby is not subject to a Pidyon Haben. And if a couple’s first child, even a boy, is born via Cesarean section, that child is also not subject to Pidyon Haben. Why? The Avnei Shoham suggests that Pidyon Haben is meant to teach the new parents (and by extension all of us) an important lesson about gratitude. If a couple, first marriage, has their first child and everything goes smoothly, then of course we say “Mazal Tov”, but there is a risk that the parents feel that nature has merely taken its course. Things happened as they were supposed to. Sometimes this can lead to a lack of appreciation and gratitude. The Torah gives us the mitzvah of Pidyon Haben as a reminder to never take blessings for granted. That’s why the mitzvah is only applicable in the most typical and the most natural scenarios. If the baby can’t be born naturally but only through a C-section, the parents will obviously feel gratitude that things worked out. Only when the child is born naturally does Pidyon Haben remind us to be equally grateful, even without the drama. If a baby is born after the mother experienced a miscarriage or is born to a second marriage after the wife had a child in her first marriage, then the imperative for gratitude is obvious (that this child was born healthy after a miscarriage or that this child was born into a loving marriage after a previous divorce). When a firstborn son is born under ideal conditions, the mitzvah of Pidyon Haben reminds us to be equally grateful. The Talmud (Brachot 54) famously teaches:  חַיָּיב אָדָם לְבָרֵךְ עַל הָרָעָה כְּשֵׁם שֶׁמְּבָרֵךְ עַל הַטּוֹבָה “One is obligated to recite a blessing for the bad that befalls him just as he recites a blessing for the good that befalls him.” We say “Baruch Hashem” when we experience a near miss. We must also say “Baruch Hashem” when things go smoothly and we don't have to worry in the first place.