Be Cherubic When You Argue

In Parshat Terumah we are told about the construction of the Aron, including the Keruvim. We learn two seemingly contradictory things about the positioning of the Keruvim (25:20) One, that the Keruvim would be facing each other; and second, that the keruvim would be looking down towards the top of the Aron. Which one was it? Were the Keruvim looking at each other or were they looking down? Rabbi Nosson Adler explained that these two depictions are not contradictory: the Keruvim were facing towards each other, but both Keruvim were looking downwards. Rabbi Adler says that the posture of the Keruvim teaches us lessons on how two Jews should argue. First we must never turn our backs on each other, even when we profoundly disagree. The way to do that is by seeking the common ground. When we are talking about disagreements in Jewish life or in Jewish practice, our common ground is represented by the Torah. Both sides of the argument can be passionately be committed to the Jewish community and believe in the importance of Halacha/ Mesora/ (fill in the blank) and yet come to different conclusions. The same can be said concerning disagreements in American or Israeli politics. We can disagree with others without leveling ad hominem attacks, and while not being disagreeable. 

Seeing Beyond The Ego in Our Tefilot

Mishpatim 5775

This week’s 3 Minute Shiur is dedicated in memory of Sally Abramovitz, 

a longtime family friend

May her family be comforted, and her memory be a blessing for her family and friends.

In his Hilchot Tefilah, the Rambam quotes two verses as the Torah sources for tefilah, prayer. The first verse he quotes comes from this week’s Parsha, Mishpatim. “You shall serve Hashem your Lord, and He will bless your bread and water; and I will remove illness from your midsts.” (23:25). 

From the text of the verse, our introduction to prayer focuses on its self-serving benefits. This is what I have called “the gunball machine model of prayer”. God owns the gumball machine, and it is filled with all of the things we need and want: health, prosperity, physical pleasures of This World. The way we access the contents of God’s gumball machine is by inserting the proper coins. Here in Mishpatim we are informed that the coins that can access God’s candy for us is tefilah.

However the context surrounding this mention of prayer teaches us something more. Parshat Mishpatim is full of mitzvoth, many which govern civil society and our interpersonal relationships. It is specifically within this context that we should appreciate another, more sophisticated, aspect of prayer. Although prayer can be viewed as an egotistical endeavor, it is really a most selfless activity. Our prayers are not only for us; they are also on behalf of our Jewish brethren and all of humanity. Our requests in the Amidah are phrased in the first person plural (ie “heal US”) to emphasize this point. Prayer is an opportunity to contemplate and appreciate our responsibilities towards others.

When studying Torah we must look at both the text and the context. In the case of Parshat Mishpatim and prayer, the actual text focuses on the benefits of prayer for the individual. While the context of that verse encourages us to utilize prayer as an opportunity to strengthen our empathy and concern for others.

"Say Little And Do Much"- But You Have To Say Something!

After all the trials and challenges that Yosef experiences over the course of the past three Torah portions, Parshat Vayechi ends off on a note that seems to add insult to all of the previous injuries.

          

Due to his connections, Yosef was able to arrange for the burial of his father Yaakov back in Israel, instead of Egypt (which would have been preferable to Pharoh.) On their way home from the funeral Joseph’s brother once again conspire against him:

“They said, ‘perhaps Joseph will nurse hatred against us and then he will surely repay us all of the evil that we did to him.” To protect against that possibility they inform Yosef of a message their father Yaakov wanted him to know: Forgive your brothers.

          

Were the brothers justified in having such a fear, or were they just slipping into old patterns in their thinking about their younger brother?Yosef responds by crying. Yosef cries at being unfairly suspected of wrong doing.

          

The brothers are not the first to be suspicious of Yosef, even at this late juncture in the story. The Talmud in Masechet Kallah (3a) develops an approach that views Yaakov as also being suspicious of Yosef’s righteousness.

Earlier in Parshat Vayechi we read how late in Yaakov’s life, he summoned Yosef to make burial arrangements – and to bless his sons Efrayim and Menashe. Before blessing his grandchildren Yaakov asks Yosef “Mi Eleh?” “Who are these boys?” The Talmud explains that Yaakov suspected Yosef of being unable to live the life in Egypt committed to the morality demanded by the Torah. In response, Yosef says

“banai hem, asher natan Elokim Li BAZEH

“they are my sons, that G-d has given me BAZEH.

Yosef shows his father Yaakov his ketubah (and perhaps even his wife) to prove that these children were born in wedlock to a Jewish family.

          

Yaakov’s suspicion of Yosef began at the initial meeting after decades of separation.

In last week’s Torah portion, (46:29) we read how during the reunion between Yaakov and Yosef,

“Vayipol Al Tzavarav, Vayevk al tzavarav od.”

He fell on his neck, and he cried on his neck.”

The verse is ambigious, and the commentators try to make sense of what happened. Most understand that Yaakov fell on his son’s neck, and Yosef cried in response. However Masechet Kalah explains that Yosef does both actions: Yosef fell on his father’s neck and wanted to kiss Yaakov. However Yaakov refused to be kissed by Yosef, as he would not allow himself to be kissed by someone whom he suspected of impropriety. Upon seeing that his display of affection would not be received, Yosef cries in frustration at the injustice of it all. Masechet Kallah utilizes this approach to explain why at the time of Yaakov’s death we are told:

“Yosef fell on his father’s face, he wept over him and he kissed him.”

As Masechet kallah puts it, “Yosef said, “I have been in the presence of my father for the past thirty-three years  and I have not kissed him. Now when I am about to bury him, should I not kiss him?”

The fact that both his brothers and his father suspected Yosef’s sincerity and piety begs the question: why? Since their reunion Yosef has been nothing but nice to his family, ensuring that they were taken care. Yosef even arranged for special housing and professional accommodations for his family. After all he did for them, why do they still suspect him of wrongdoing?

          

The answer is that although Yosef may have treated his brothers in a way that seemed to demonstrate his feelings, he never once said the three words that could have cleared everything up, “I forgive you.” Sure he says to his brothers, “It was all part of G-d’s plan, don’t worry about it.” But we all know that if a person responds to an apology by saying “don’t worry about it” – then we definitely have something to worry about.

(similar to when a person prefaces their point by saying “with all due respect”- I know what’s coming next will be probably be rude and border on disrespectful).

          

Yosef takes care of his father, but it appears that Yosef never sits down with his father talk things through and clear the air. If they had, then Yaakov would have realized the extent of Yosef’s righteousness and would not have suspected him of any wrongdoing. Perhaps it was due to the difficulties he endured throughout his lifetime. Perhaps Yosef wondered what true feelings his father and brothers had towards him. Whatever it was, Yosef attempted to show his feelings through actions, but had difficulty expressing himself. The man who had been dubbed Tzafnat Paneach, revealer of secrets- could only reveal other people’s secrets through dream interpretation. But he had a much more difficult time clearly revealing his feelings to others.

          

There is an old adage that talk is cheap, and that what really counts is our actions. Nonetheless our words must be used to frame our actions. Actions can be misunderstood, words are much more difficult to misconstrue. Pirkei Avot says Emor Me’at Vasey Harbei, say little and do much. Your words should be less than your actions- but you still need to say something! We must express ourselves, especially to our families and our loved ones. Yosef may have done all the right things, but he failed to say the right things, to verbalize those feelings in a way that would have been clear and unambiguous.

          

As we think about the challenges that we face in our homes, communities and beyond, let us be ready and willing to not only do what needs to be done, but to say what needs to be said.

"Do You Have a Father and Brother?": A Key To Finding Meaning in Tefilah

The Rokeiach writes that the source for our stepping three steps forward before beginning the Amida is in commemoration of the three times Tanach uses the word “Vayigash”: by Avraham as he pleads to Hashem on behalf of Sedom, by Eliyahu Hanavi as he pleads to Hashem on behalf of Kiddush Hashem, and by Yehuda, at the beginning of our Parsha, when he pleads to Yosef on behalf of Binyamin. 

Of the three “vayigash”s, the one that seems not to fit is the one that begins Parshat Vayigash. It is only here that the word seems to refer to approaching before a human leader, and not Hashem. It emerges yet from the Rokeiach that although Yehuda is literally pleading before the Viceroy of Egypt, his thoughts are directed towards the King of Kings. Rabbi Sholom Noach Berezovsky in his Nesivos Shalom, develops the idea, based on Kaballah, that Yehuda’s approach before Yosef and the details therein is a paradigm of prayer for us all. In the past I have shared some of his approach. I’d like to share with you another idea.

In the dialogue, Yehuda recounts how the Viceroy had asked them: “Do you have an Av (father) or Ach (brother)? (44:19). Nesivos Shalom suggests from here we learn a way to expand our horizons and focus as it relates to prayer. Prayer can be viewed as basically a selfish endeavor. I ask for things from Hashem. And the efficacy of prayer can be measured by how much of those things I get. However, this would shortchange the meaning of tefilah, and leave most of us frustrated and unhappy- for rarely do we see “all of our prayers answered”- in the precise way that we had hoped.

“Av” and “Ach” are two ways to broaden our vision about the impacts and benefits of tefilah:

“Father”: when we pray, it develops and strengthens our relationship with Hashem. Whether or not we get exactly what we ask for, just “Standing before the King” and developing that relationship is a worthwhile endeavor. In this sense, the process is the goal and therefore is beneficial in and of itself.

“Brother”: when we pray, we don’t only ask for ourselves. Note how all of the requests in our Amidah are phrased in the plural. Tefilah is an exercise in strengthening our relationship wiith and responsibilities towards, or fellow Jews. That is one reason why we ask for all the things we ask for, even if at a particular moment in time we feel as if we are blessed enough in that way. There are others who are lacking and it is our responsibility to feel for them and to pray on their behalf.

The question posed to Yehuda is one that we must pose to ourselves: Do we have an Av and Ach? Do we realize that the goal of tefilah includes strengthening our relationships Bein Adam l’Makom (between man and God) as well as Bein Adam L’Chaveiro  (between man and his fellow man)?

Yosef's Dream Interpretation: A Lesson in Management

At the end of Parshat Vayeshev, we are introduced to Yosef, not as the dreamer but rather the dream interpreter. The Head Butler and Head Baker were in jail and they both had dreams that upset them (40:6). In reading the dreams in the seventh aliyah, it’s understandable why the Head Baker’s dream was disturbing: birds eating out of wicker baskets full of bread resting on his head. However when we read the Head Butler’s dream, there does not appear to be any reason to be disturbed: in the dream, the butler is serving Paroh once again. This is just one of the many questions that are asked concerning the two dreams, their similarities and differences.

            

The Netziv has an approach to the episode that suggests an understanding. The Head Butler and Head Baker were in jail, but they were not the ones who actually offended Paroh. They were the supervisors, and their employees made mistakes. Paroh directed his anger at the supervisors and had them incarcerated. The Director of Beverage Services accepted responsibility for the actions of his subordinate. His dream reflected his feelings: Although he was the supervisor, he felt directly responsible for the error, as if he himself had been serving. Yosef’s interpretation was that to make up for his mistake he would be demoted for three days. However since he took responsibility for the actions of his department, he would ultimately be reinstated in his executive position.

            

The Director of Baking Services did not take responsibility and felt that his incarceration was unjustified. That’s why even in his dream he does not actually bake the bread. He sees himself as the head, and that’s why the bread was on his head in the dream. Since he could not accept responsibility, he was dismissed by Paroh- from his job and from his life.

            

Many of the headlines from the corporate world involve CEO’s who are nimbly able to take all the credit but shift all the blame. A lesson from the Netziv’s interpretation is that the Jewish way is that whoever is in a position to get credit must be ready and willing to accept the consequences – whatever they may be.

If God Leaves Us - Then What?

At the beginning of Vayeitzei, Yaakov has this vision and hear directly from Hashem. One of things God tells him is that (28:15) “for I will not forsake you until I will have done what I have spoken about you.” I have always read this pasuk as comforting to Yaakov. Hashem is promising to be with him. However this year I read the pasuk and could was worried for Yaakov; for the pasuk implies that there is a possibility of Hashem forsaking Yaakov at some future point in history, once Hashem has done what He promised.

I think there are two ways to alleviate this concern. First, the Torah advises that we live in the present. On the pasuk in Parshat Shoftim “Tamim Tiheyeh Im Hashem Elokecha” Rabbi Samson Raphael  Hirsch explains this to be a mandate to live in the moment. Be fully aware of what is happening now, and do not let future considerations temper the feeling in that moment.

I recently taught the Mishna at the beginning of the 9^th chapter of Berachot in a similar fashion: the Mishna explains the blessings of HaTov V’Hameitiv (on good tidings) as well as Dayan Haemet (on bad news).  The Mishna goes onto to explain the proper blessing for an event that is bad in the short term, but good in the long run; or vice- versa. For instance: what is the blessing on a catastrophic flood that decimates a field now (bad now), but will lead to that field becoming much more fertile and prosperous in the future (good later)? Or what is the blessing if a person finds a valuable object that he will be able to keep (good now), but the laws of that land mandate that a high tax be paid to the king on such finds, and this person does not have that much liquid assets and knows that finding this object will cause complications and problems (bad later)? In both cases the Mishna states that the proper blessing is based on the experience now: if it’s bad news in the present, say Dayan Ha’Emet. If it’s good news now, then say HaTov V’Hameitiv. Be  fully present in the moment and be mindful to fully experience what is going on NOW, and later you can process/ put into perspective.

Perhaps this is how we should understand Hashem’s promise. It’s true that the future may bring periods during which it appears as if Hashem has forsaken Yaakov or his descendants. But Yaakov should respond to the present situation of the Divine promise of protection and respond purely with gratitutde.

Alternatively, perhaps we are supposed to understand Yaakov’s follow-up declaration as a response to this inferred possibility of a future moment of Divine forsakenness.  Yaakov says, “If you God give me food to eat and clothes to wear….then I will tithe from all that I have” (28:22). Perhaps Yaakov is teaching us the secret to spiritual survival and maintaining a connection with Hashem during those times when it may appear as if He has forsaken us: 1) Say brachot- recognize that the food we have comes from Hashem and 2) Do Chesed- bring God into the world by being Godly and providing for others. If we seek Hashem out in all of our endeavors and strive to emulate His ways- then we stay close to Him and prevent Him from forsaking us.

Salt In A World of Conformity

Parshat Vayera contains within it the story of Sodom and its destruction. Lot and his family are saved, but Lot’s wife is turned into a pillar of salt as they flee (19:26). Rashi quotes the Midrash that when lot invited the two mystery guests into his home, he asked his wife for some salt for their food. Lot’s wife responded, “You also want to introduce this evil custom?!” She had no salt in the house, and she went to her Sodomite neighbors asking for salt, and revealing that she had guests in her house. It was her fault that the neighbors surrounded Lot’s house looking to harm the mystery guests.

A couple of questions stand out: 1) to which “evil custom” is Lot’s wife referring? 2) Why didn’t Lot’s wife have salt? It’s safe to assume that if she had no salt, then no one else did (and this is implied by the continuation of Midrash that states that her asking others for salt was her scheme to inform on Lot’s guests.)

          

Salt is a key seasoning for food; not only because of its own flavor, but due to its ability to highlight other flavors. In this way salt “celebrates” the diversity of flavors that exist. And it is in this way that salt stands in contrast to the character of Sodomites. In Sodom conformity was required. Outsiders were shunned, and differecnes were neutralized. If an out-of-towner needed a place to stay and he was taller than the bed he was given, the Sodomites would cut off his legs. If he wa s a little short, the people of Sodom would torture him through stretching. All of this to highlight the premium that was placed on conformity in Sodom. That’s why no one in Sodom kept salt in their houses. And it is the practice of Salt, of accepting and even celebrating differences that Lot’s wife was so worried that her husband had brought home with his guests.

         

It is no surprise that Lot’s wife turns into a pillar of salt. It’s Hashem’s way of teaching her, and Sodom – and all of us- that salt is a key ingredient to life, not just physiologically (our bodies need to have the proper amount of salt in order to thrive) but also the message behind salt. Jewish life is about valuing differences, even as we focus on a common goal of Kiddush Hashem. 

Perhaps this is why every korban is required to be accompanied by salt. Perhaps this is why even today, every time we make Hamotzi we should be careful to make sure that salt is in the picture.