The Lesson of Moshe’s Name

The Yalkut Shimoni quotes a tradition that Moshe had ten additional names.

He was called Levi- because he was a member of that tribe.

He was called Tuviyah, because there was goodness that was visible from the time of his birth.

Miriam called her brother Yered, because she went down to the Nile to see what would happen to her baby brother. 

Aharon called his brother (Avi) Zanuach “master of rejection” because Moshe’s father left his mother, but he came back to her after the birth of Moshe.

Along the same lines he was called Chever (to join) because he caused his parents to reunite.

His grandfather Kehat called him Avigdor, literally “master of the fence”- Avi G’dor, because after Moshe’s birth, Pharaoh was fenced in and gave up on his decree to drown all Jewish baby boys.

His mother called him Yekutiel, related to the word for hope- as a prayer that she hoped to one day be reunited with her son.

He was also called (Avi) Socho- Master of Prophecy - because he would grow up to become the greatest Jewish prophet of all time.

                In this week’s Daf Hashavua (Megilah 13, which meets weekly in the library on Tuesdays after the 8:00 a.m. Minyan) we learned different reasons for these names (based on a verse in Divrei Hayamim I:4:18):

Yered: because Moshe facilitated the Manna to fall in the wilderness.

(Avi)gdor: because Moshe helped mend the breach between God and the Jewish People after the sin of the golden calf.

Chever: because Moshe connected the Jewish People to their Father in Heaven.

Socho: because Moshe was able to provide protection to the Jewish People, through Hashem, like a sukkah.

Yekutiel: because Moshe encouraged the Jewish People to trust in Hashem.

(Avi) Zanuach: because Moshe was able to push aside the people’s sins.

                And then there is the name Moshe. In Parshat Shemot we are told how and why Moshe got this name. After being placed in a basket in the Nile River, the daughter of Pharaoh finds the boy and saves him. After the boy grows up we are told that (2:10): “she called him Moshe, as she said, for I drew him from the water”. Although he had all these names, God and the Torah only refer to him as Moshe. The Midrash at the beginning of Sefer Vayikra is emphatic on this point. Vayikra el Moshe: It states that Hashem said to Moshe, “By your life! Of all your names, I will only call you by the name given to you by Batya, the daughter of Pharaoh.”  What is it about the name Moshe, given by the Egyptian princess, that is worthy of being the only name by which God calls him?

                Rabbi Dr. Abraham Twerski suggests that the most formative experience of Moshe’s life was the fact that his adoptive mother was willing to sacrifice everything in order to save the young boy. Although he probably didn’t remember the incident, Moshe surely knew the story of how he got his name. This story of self-sacrifice accompanied Moshe his entire life, shaped his attitude towards others, and provided him with the strength to similarly sacrifice on behalf of the Jewish People.

                More important than the lessons we try to inculcate into our children with our words, are the lessons that we teach through our actions. Do the right thing, as much as possible and as often as possible, when your children are watching you- even if they don’t intellectually understand what they’re seeing. By doing so you will leave a legacy not only on the beneficiaries of your good deeds, but on the beneficiaries of the good deeds performed by your children inspired by your model.

Dying Responsibly

Parshat Vayechi opens by telling us that “as Yaakov’s death approached” (47:29) he requested that Yosef swear to bury him in Me’arat Hamachpela in Chevron. Later in the Parsha (49:29) after he blesses each of his sons, Yaakov once again commands his children to bury him in Chevron, this time providing a bit more detail. Why does Yaakov make the request twice?

Death is a part of life. Just as we should live responsibly, so too must we die responsibly. Yaakov was demonstrating a key component to dying responsibly: planning in advance.

It should not come as a surprise that Yaakov makes his burial request on his deathbed. In the final moments of life, a person is likely to express his/her deepest desires and most important thoughts. For Yaakov these were thoughts symbolized by Chevron, ie Mesorah: being a link in the chain of Jewish tradition and the critical importance of the Land of Israel. Of course Yaakov wanted to “go home” and “be with his parents and grandparents”, themes that are commonly heard from people at the end of their lives. But Yaakov emphasized his burial location because of the lessons it contained for his children and future descendants. The Talmud (Gittin 36) writes “it is a mitzvah to fulfill the last wishes of a gravely ill person”, thereby codifying the seriousness that we are required to take deathbed requests.

What is more surprising is that Yaakov had the soundness of mind to make this request earlier- towards the end of his life, perhaps, but not on his deathbed. Not everyone dies after a protracted illness. Not everyone is lucid enough during their final days to convey their last requests in a meaningful fashion. Yaakov knew this and therefore engages in “pre-need planning”.

It is human nature to ignore our mortality. But ignoring this fact does not make it any less true, nor inevitable. Parents want to take care of their children- no matter how old our children are. Part of taking care of our children is to make plans for our ultimate passing, and to share those plans with our loved ones. I am proud that are shul once again is a partner in TEAM Shabbat: a weekend of awareness and education surrounding end-of-life issues. These issues run the gamut: from buying life insurance and writing your will (or making sure that your will is updated), to making decisions concerning graves and funeral arrangements. On Sukkot I presented a lecture on Jewish ethical wills. In addition to preparing a document that divides one’s financial estate, Jewish tradition encourages us to leave a document (or audio/video recording) that imparts lessons and values by which you want your family and friends to remember you.

We would think that planning for the end of our life would make us sad and depressed. Yet according to a 2007 study published in Psychological Science, the opposite is true. When asked to contemplate the occasion of their own demise, people become happier than usual, instead of sadder. Researchers say it's a kind of psychological immune response — faced with thoughts of our own death, our brains automatically cope with the conscious feelings of distress by non-consciously seeking out and triggering happy feelings, a mechanism that scientists theorize helps protect us from permanent depression or paralyzing despair.

When we pre-plan our end-of-life needs we are taking back a degree of control in a situation that is the ultimate symbol of man’s helplessness. We are also providing a final expression of care and love for our family. One of the most challenging and stressful situations that I have witnessed is the trauma of arranging for the funeral of a loved one who had no plans in place. Planning for these eventualities in advance is a way that we can take care of our family.  Perhaps this is what our tradition is trying to convey by teaching that planning for our final arrangements in advance is a segula for arichat yamim, long life. If we utilize this Shabbat as a springboard to begin to think about these ideas, and to open up conversations with our families, then the outcome will be a more fulfilling, satisfying life with less stress.

The Years of Our Life, The Life in Our Years

In Parshat Vayigash, Yaakov and Yosef are reunited and Yosef brings his father to meet Pharaoh. Their meeting begins with Yaakov blessing Pharaoh, and then Pharaoh asks a question in response:

And Pharaoh said to Jacob, "How many are the days of the years of your life?"

חוַיֹּאמֶר פַּרְעֹה אֶל יַעֲקֹב כַּמָּה יְמֵי שְׁנֵי חַיֶּיךָ

I view this question as an equivalent to a “How are you?” The socially correct answer in this situation would be a short factual response- which is what Yaakov initially provides:

וַיֹּאמֶר יַעֲקֹב אֶל פַּרְעֹה יְמֵי שְׁנֵי מְגוּרַי שְׁלשִׁים וּמְאַת שָׁנָה

“The days of the years of my sojourning are one hundred thirty years.”

But then Yaakov goes off the rails and things quickly get uncomfortable, as Yaakov continues:

מְעַט וְרָעִים הָיוּ יְמֵי שְׁנֵי חַיַּי

“The days of the years of my life have been few and miserable”

This is a classic case of TMI- too much information. Pharaoh was merely trying to make chit chat with his viceroy’s father, and Yaakov has to go ahead and ruin it by making things all awkward.

So one lesson we can learn from this exchange in our Parsha is: let’s make sure our words are meaningful. Let’s consider a greeting other than “How are you?” and save that question for people and situations when we are really interested in the answer.

Let’s return to Yaakov’s response: It’s pretty shocking. Yaakov kvetches that his days have been “few” and miserable. Both claims can be challenged. The Ramban notes that by this time, a long life span was down to 70-80 years. So 130 years is nothing to complain about!

Second, things may not have always worked out in an easy or straightforward way for Yaakov. But for the most part, in the end, things work out for him. Yaakov must flee from Eisav - but ultimately reconciles with him. Yaakov is persecuted by his father in law - but ultimately he is able to leave as a rich man.  Sure, Yaakov had tzuris. But we would not expect our Patriarch to describe this life as “miserable.”

The Malbim (19^th century Russian commentator) encourages us to look at the text carefully:

When he first answers the question, Yaakov states that his “Yemei Shnei Megurai” is 130 years. However Yaakov uses a slightly different language “Yemei Shnai Chayei” – when referring to his life as short and miserable.

Explains the Malbim: The term “Shnay Megurei” refers to the years that Yaakov had lived on this planet: which solicits a factual answer: 130 years. What was few and miserable for Yaakov was his “Shnay Chayei”- the time Yaakov felt he was able to really live. To engage in meaningful activities. To help others, to learn Torah, to connect with family and with Hashem.

Yaakov’s response to Pharaoh challenges us to consider what ways we are really living during the years that God gives us in this life. And how we can increase our Shnot Chayim during our sojourn on this planet.

As Abraham Lincoln put it: “In the end, it’s not the years in your life that count. It’s the life in your years.”

On Chanukah, Let’s Be Thankful – Even for the Flawed

There are a lot of important lessons to learn from the story of Chanukah: Heroism. Moral fortitude. Light over darkness. The role of miracles, both natural and supernatural, in our lives. The one that I’d like for us to focus on for a moment is the lesson to be thankful, even for the less-than-ideal.

Our appreciation of the Hasmonean victory over the Greeks can be colored by what we know to be a muted endorsement of the Maccabees by our Rabbis. After the Maccabees defeated the Greeks they installed themselves as monarchs.  The Ramban notes that this is a direct violation of the pasuk from Parshat Vayechi that “the scepter shall not depart from Judah.” Jewish kings were supposed to emerge only from the tribe of Yehuda. The Hasmoneans were Kohanim (priests, from the tribe of Levi). The Ramban explains that the reason why the Hasmonean family ultimately disappeared is because they violated this rule.

Although it is legitimate to note and learn from the “mistake” of the Hasmoneans, I prefer to focus on the approach taken by the Rambam. In the Laws of Chanukah (3:1), Maimonides recounts the Chanukah story:

The Jews suffered great difficulties from the Greeks, for they oppressed them greatly until the God of our ancestors had mercy upon them, delivered them from their hand, and saved them. The sons of the Hasmoneans, the High Priests, overcame [them], slew them, and saved the Jews from their hand.

They appointed a king from the priests, and sovereignty returned to Israel for more than 200 years, until the destruction of the Second Temple.

In the last line, the Rambam notes the critique of the Ramban: the Hasmoneans overstepped their role by appointing themselves kings. However, in the very same breath/line, Rambam makes sure to note that due to the Hasmoneans, Jewish sovereignty was returned to the Land of Israel for over 200 years. There were a lot of problems in the Land of Israel under the Hasmonean kings for those two centuries. And still, Rambam urges us to see the gift of Jewish sovereignty, even when that sovereignty is far from perfect, even when that Jewish state has real flaws and problems. We sing Hallel every day of Chanukah in appreciation for an imperfect situation, but one from which we benefitted and need to acknowledge with thanks.

There are sometimes complaints and criticism directed towards our shul:  about things that should happen that don’t; or about things that should have happened in a different/ better way.  Many times the comments are legitimate and the ideas are good. We need to hear feedback in order to improve. But we also need to remember not to allow “the perfect” be the enemy of the “great.” We should appreciate what is great in our lives and in our shul, even when there is room for improvement. The Hasmonean Kingdom after the Chanukah story was far from perfect. And yet it was a point of pride and reason to celebrate. This Chanukah, let us celebrate all that is great in our lives, even when it is far from perfect. Let this be our perspective, which will enable us to improve as an expression of pride and optimism.

Being Observant and Being a Mensch: No Daylight Between the Two

The story of Yosef in the house of Potiphar and his interaction with Potiphar’s wife can teach us a great deal about how we should strive to live our lives as Jews. Potiphar’s wife tries to seduce Yosef, and Yosef responds that he will not succumb to temptation on two accounts: “there is no one greater in this house than I, and Potiphar has denied me nothing but you (since you are his wife); how then can I perpetrate this great evil. And I would have sinned against God.”

                I admit that my punctuation of the last few words is debatable. One could argue that Yosef’s main concern was that committing adultery is a sin against God. However I see within Yosef’s words the appropriate approach to gauging the correctness of our actions. First of all, Yosef considers the human impact of his actions and understands that committing adultery would be a sin against Potiphar, not only because she is his wife, but also because of the trust that Potiphar had placed in Yosef. Adultery would be a supreme violation of that trust. Secondly, and just as important, even if Yosef had no feelings of respect and gratitude towards Potiphar, and even if he resented Potiphar and really wanted to hurt him, Yosef would not succumb to temptation because it would be a sin against God.

                Yosef models for us the considerations that we are supposed to have when considering our course of action. If our actions would hurt someone else, then even if we could rationalize those actions as not being a technical violation of halacha, it would still be wrong. And even if an action does not hurt anyone, we still must evaluate whether that activity is allowed according to Halacha, the code by which we are supposed to live our lives.

                I believe that this is what sets Yosef apart and the reason why he is called “Ivri” on multiple occasions in Parshat Vayeshev. Yosef sets himself apart by holding himself to two high standards: one standard is the Halacha test. The other standard is the “mensch test”. Even if something could be construed as permissible based on the Halacha test, if we are to emulate Yosef Hatzaddik then we will avoid any activity that doesn’t pass the mensch test

                Let us learn the lessons of Yosef HaIvri well. Torah is distorted when it is used to justify improper behavior towards others, Jew or non-Jew.  A person who claims to be Torah observant yet hurts others is a hypocrite. Let us never allow there to be daylight between being Torah observant and being a mensch.

               

The UN, Airbnb and Parshat Vayishlach

Life is full of ups and downs, and this is certainly the case when it comes to Israel’s status in the community of nations. What is unique is that Israel find herself on a high and a low - at the same time.

                The annual United Nations resolution entitled “The Occupied Syrian Golan” was scheduled for a vote on Friday, November 16. In previous years, the United States has abstained from voting on this resolution. However, given the resolution’s anti-Israel bias, as well as the militarization of the Syrian Golan border, and a worsening humanitarian crisis, this year the United States has decided to vote no on the resolution.

                UN Ambassador Nikki Haley said, “The United States will no longer abstain when the United Nations engages in its useless annual vote on the Golan Heights. If this resolution ever made sense, it surely does not today. The resolution is plainly biased against Israel. Further, the atrocities the Syrian regime continues to commit prove its lack of fitness to govern anyone. The destructive influence of the Iranian regime inside Syria presents major threats to international security. ISIS and other terrorist groups remain in Syria. And this resolution does nothing to bring any parties closer to a peace agreement. The United States will vote no.”

                It is encouraging that Israel has found support and partnerships with a growing number of nations to a greater degree than ever before. And yet, at the same time, Israel continues to be singled out by countries and companies, in ways unlike any other country.  Just this week Airbnb, the online rental marketplace, announced that it will be removing 200 listings of homes in Judea and Samaria. Though admitting that “We are most certainly not the experts when it comes to the historical disputes in this region”, this did not prevent the company from concluding that “we should remove listings in Israeli settlements in the occupied West Bank that are at the core of the dispute between Israelis and Palestinians." Israel’s long standing position is that the territory in the West Bank is disputed, not occupied. And the fate of the settlements should be resolved in direct negotiations with the Palestinians.

                Eugene Kontorovich, director of international law at the Jerusalem-based Kohelet Policy Forum and a professor at George Mason University, suggested that Airbnb was on weak ground. “This is not about disputed territories, as Airbnb has listings in Moroccan-occupied Western Sahara, Turkish-occupied Cyprus, and more,” he said in a statement. “So it is only Jewish properties in the Jewish homeland that are banned. Airbnb’s approach of singling out Jews from all the disputes in the world will put it at odds with U.S. state B.D.S. laws and principles of discrimination.”

                At the beginning of Parshat Vayishlach, Yaakov prepares to reunite with his brother Eisav. One way that Yaakov prepares is by praying to God. (Genesis 32:12) “Rescue me, please, from the hand of my brother, from the hand of Esav…” 

Tradition typecasts the struggle between Yaakov and Esav as the ongoing struggle between the Jewish People and her enemies. Sometimes these antagonists present themselves as full-blown enemies (like Eisav). But sometimes these antagonists present themselves as “brothers”: ie justifying their singling out of the Jewish People/ Jewish State on grounds of “human rights” or “peace-seeking”.  However, we know that the singling out of Jews (or Israel: the Jewish State) is one of the oldest and most prevalent forms of anti-Semitism. We must be ready to identify and call out both types of anti-Israel activity, thereby doing our part to protect the State of Israel and the Jewish People.

Yehuda: Attitude of Gratitude

In Parshat Vayeitzei, Leah gives birth to four sons in a row. Each of the first three sons are given names by Leah that speak of her “less-loved status” compared to Rachel and her hopes that the child will increase Yaakov’s love for her:

Reuven: G-d has seen my humiliation, for now my husband will love me.

Shimon: God has heard that I am unloved.

Levi: This time my husband will become attached to me, for I bore him three sons.

Her fourth son she names Yehuda, because Hapaam Odeh Et Hashem- this time let me gratefully praise Hashem.

            We might say better late than never- at least Leah finally expresses gratitude to G-d, if not at the first child, then at least at the birth of Yehuda.

However the Ibn Ezra writes that Leah was punished for not expressing gratitude earlier. As the pasuk tells us immediately after Yehuda is named, “Va’ta’amod miledet,” Leah stopped giving birth. What was Leah’s mistake?

            Number 1: Habituation and routine are impediments to gratitude. Leah got used to having children, expecting it to happen without complication. So much so that by the third son, she leaves G-d out of the picture. Once something is expected, we no longer feel grateful for its presence; if anything we are annoyed by its absence. We must remember that the most important blessings are those that are consistent.

As a parent I struggle with this. I want to do special things for and with my children. And the first few times I do so, I will hear expressions of gratitude, even without my wife having to say, “What do you say now that Abba took you on this fun trip?”

But all too soon the novelty wears off, the expressions of thanks are fewer and farther between, and it comes to the point where such treatment is expected.

            Number 2: Feelings of entitlement impede gratitude. Rashi quotes the Medrash Tanchuma that Leah knew through Divine inspiration that there would be twelve tribes and 4 wives. The assumption was that each wife would have three sons. So Leah only expressed gratitude upon the birth of her fourth son, when she had more sons than she felt entitled to. The message from G-d was only that there would be 4 wives and 12 tribes, not necessarily that the tribes would be split evenly (that ended up not happening). It’s entirely plausible that one of the wives would have no children. When we walk around with a sense of entitlement, it makes it more difficult to express gratitude- because we feel as if we deserve what we get- we are owed it. Such a perspective makes gratitude very difficult.

            Number 3: Our ability to be grateful is impeded when we compare our lot in life with those whom we consider to be more fortunate. The problem with that is two-fold. First of all, as explained above- this perspective rarely takes into account how much worse off we could be. Second, you can’t judge someone until you’ve walked in their shoes. I may think that someone else has a better life than I do. However if I saw the full picture or knew the entire story- I would be grateful for what I have. The Rabbis explain that compared to Rachel, Leah felt unloved, even hated. When stuck in that frame of mind it is difficult for a person to count their blessings and feel grateful for what they have.

            Psychologists have studied the importance of gratitude to the individual and society. Grateful people report higher levels of positive emotions, life satisfaction, vitality, optimism and lower levels of depression and stress.

            Jews are called Yehudim, those who descend from Yehuda but also those who are grateful. On this weekend before Thanksgiving / Shabbat Vayeitzei let us resolve to cultivate our attitude of gratitude.