Subjective Seeing

Two questions jump out when reading the first verse of this week’s Parsha, Reeh (11:26):

רְאֵ֗ה אָֽנֹכִ֛י נֹתֵ֥ן לִפְנֵיכֶ֖ם הַיּ֑וֹם בְּרָכָ֖ה וּקְלָלָֽה: “See, how I set before you today a blessing (and a curse).”

The first question emerges from the first word of the pasuk. If someone hands me a gift wrapped in paper and tied with ribbon, is it really necessary for the gift giver to say “See, how I have given you a gift”? Of course not! I will understand based on the context and the wrapping paper that a gift is being given to me, without the need for the giver to get my attention by saying “Hey, See!” The second question is based on an inconsistency in the Hebrew grammar of this pasuk. The first Hebrew word רְאֵ֗ה (“see) is written in the singular, while the word לִפְנֵיכֶ֖ם (“before you”) is written in the plural.

The answers to both questions provide insight and reminders about the blessings in our lives. Rabbi Frand notes that the verse begins with the word “See” because oftentimes we need to look for our blessings, notice our blessings, and be reminded of our blessings. Sometimes blessings are not so obvious, and we need to see/look for them in order to perceive them. Sometimes we don’t see the blessings in our lives because we take them for granted. It can be difficult to identify them when we live within a landscape full of blessings. Therefore Hashem reminds us to “see” the blessings He has given us.

Regarding the grammatical inconsistency, the Kotzker Rebbe noted that while blessings can be given collectively to many people, each individual will perceive the blessing in a unique manner based on their personality and outlook. Blessings can be universal, and therefore the singular form of “See” is appropriate. However those blessings will be perceived differently by different people, and therefore the word “before you” is written in the plural form.

The lessons for us are 1) Keep our eyes open for the blessings in our lives and 2) Appreciate that people see and experience the world differently- which is both a challenge and an opportunity.

We are in the midst of reading the 7 Haftarot of Consolation on the Shabbatot that take us from Tisha Bav to Rosh Hashanah. The Talmud teaches (Taanit 30b) כׇּל הַמִּתְאַבֵּל עַל יְרוּשָׁלַיִם — זוֹכֶה וְרוֹאֶה בְּשִׂמְחָתָהּ, “Whoever mourns for Jerusalem will merit and see her future joy”. Shouldn’t the blessing be that a person who properly mourns Jerusalem’s destruction will merit to see her rebuilding? Rav Kook answered that not everyone will appreciate the blessing of Jerusalem’s rebuilding in the same way. Some might focus on the challenges, while others might take the blessing for granted. The Talmud assures us that if we take the time and have the correct perspective we will fully appreciate the blessings of Jerusalem, and that proper perspective will bring with it tremendous joy. What is true about the blessings of Jerusalem are true about all of the blessings in our lives. We will experience true joy when we take a moment to see our blessings and to fully appreciate their pervasiveness and their impact.

The Blessing of Removing Anxiety

 At beginning of Parshat Ekev, Moshe lists a number of rewards that Bnei Yisrael will receive if they observe the mitzvot. Among those rewards is “וְהֵסִ֧יר ה מִמְּךָ֖ כָּל־חֹ֑לִי וְכָל־מַדְוֵי֩ מִצְרַ֨יִם הָֽרָעִ֜ים אֲשֶׁ֣ר יָדַ֗עְתָּ לֹ֤א יְשִׂימָם֙ בָּ֔ךְ: And the Lord will remove from you all sickness, and all of the evil diseases of Egypt which you knew.” In Sefer Shemot (15:26) Hashem promises the Jewish People that if they follow His commandments, then: כָּל־הַמַּֽחֲלָ֞ה אֲשֶׁר־שַׂ֤מְתִּי בְמִצְרַ֨יִם֙ לֹֽא־אָשִׂ֣ים עָלֶ֔יךָ “all the sicknesses that I have visited upon Egypt I will not visit upon you, for I, the Lord, heal you.”

If Choli/ Machala refers to sickness, then what exactly does Moshe mean when he talks about removing “the evil diseases of Egypt”? Based on Yerushalmi, Madvei refers to fear and anxiety; not only anxiety surrounding illness but anxiety of all types.

Some people suffer from debilitating anxiety that can and must be addressed by mental health professionals. There should be no stigma surrounding anxiety disorders. Mental health disorders should be viewed and can be treated just like other medical conditions such as diabetes or high blood pressure. Even if one is not diagnosed with a pervasive or generalized anxiety disorder, most of us (if not all of us) experience anxiety at some point in our lives. Sometimes that anxiety can be as bad as or worse than whatever it is we are worrying about.  President FDR had a point when he said “the only thing we have to fear is fear itself.”

Anxiety has been scientifically proven to harm your health, putting one at higher risk for heart disease to cancer to the common cold. When we realize the damaging impact that anxiety can have, we can begin to appreciate the Divine blessing of removing such worries from our lives.

Fortunately, emotions need not only be a negative force in our lives. Studies have shown that the impact of positive emotions on physical health can be positive. In the early 1990s one of the great medical research enterprises of modern times took place. It became known as the Nun Study. Some 700 American nuns, all members of the School Sisters of Notre Dame in the United States, agreed to allow their records to be accessed by a research team investigating the process of ageing and Alzheimer’s Disease. At the start of the study the participants were aged between 75 and 102.

What gave this study its unusual longitudinal scope is that in 1930 the nuns, then in their twenties, had been asked by the Mother Superior to write a brief autobiographical account of their life and their reasons for entering the convent. These documents were now analyzed by the researchers using a specially devised coding system to register, among other things, positive and negative emotions. By annually assessing the nuns’ current state of health, the researchers were able to test whether their emotional state in 1930 had an effect on their health some sixty years later. Because they had all lived a very similar lifestyle during the intervening six decades, they formed an ideal group for testing hypotheses about the relationship between emotional attitudes and health.

The results, published in 2001, were startling. The more positive emotions, ie contentment, gratitude, happiness, love and hope, that the nuns expressed in their autobiographical notes, the more likely they were to be alive and well sixty years later. The difference was as much as seven years in life expectancy.

Let’s remember the relationship between emotions and health, and how we feel is in our control. Let us also pray that Hashem will remove our anxieties.  And Hashem can do that for us. For as philanthropist Mary Crowley once quipped “Every evening, I turn my worries over to God. He's going to be up all night anyway!”

God Owes us Nothing

At the beginning of our Parsha, Moshe must pray on his own behalf. It’s almost time for the Jews to enter Eretz Yisrael and God has decreed that Moshe won’t join them.

So Moshe prayed: Va’etchanan El Hashem. Rashi comments that the word VaEtchanan is related to the root meaning “free gift”. Rashi writes, “Even though the righteous may base a request on the merit of their good deeds, they request only a free gift of the Omnipresent.” We might expect righteous individuals, Moshe chief among them, to appeal to God with an expectation of a positive response due to their righteousness and fidelity. In fact, the exact opposite is true. Moshe approaches God asking for a free gift. He does not expect anything from Hashem.

Over the years I have met many people dealing with challenges. In my experience one of the best indicators of how a person will weather a challenge is what their expectations are of God. Do they feel that God owes them something? Or do they feel that God owes them nothing? If we feel that God owes us something, then we will often feel short-changed, angry at God, and we might even question the trajectory of our life. A sense of Divine entitlement may lead us to ask: why did I bother being a good person if God wasn’t going to reward me in the fashion that I had hoped for and expected?

But if we feel that God owes us nothing, then our overarching mood will be one of gratitude. So long as there is life, there are opportunities to be grateful. Things might not be working out the way we had hoped for or expected, but that’s never the entire story. The way things are going might be far from expected or ideal, but they present us with opportunities and experiences that we otherwise would not have confronted, and these experiences tap into strengths we may never have known that we possess.

“God owes me nothing” is a mantra that leads to feelings of gratitude. It challenges us to find strengths and prospects in even difficult circumstances. It was Moshe’s motto. (“God owes Me Nothing” is also the title of an unpublished autobiography by Rabbi Joseph Lookstein.) We are primed for accomplishments and satisfaction when we are not fixated on what we think we are owed.

The Baal Haturim notes that the Gematriya of the word Va’etchanan is the same as the word Shirah (515). Moshe’s prayer begins with praise to God for all the great things that He has done. Only after this praise does Moshe make his ask: entry into Eretz Yisrael. The Gemara in Brachot learns from Moshe here that before requesting anything from God we must first praise Him. In our Amida on weekdays we first offer Shevach, praise, and then Bakasha, requests. The purpose of Shevach first is to remind ourselves that no matter how many requests we have, no matter how many problems we have, there are reasons to praise Hashem. God owes us nothing, so anything that is going our way is an opportunity for Shirah.

This Shabbat is called Shabbat Nachamu, referring to the first words of the Haftorah. Nachamu means to be comforted. Nachamu can also mean a change in attitude (ie Shemot 32:14). When we shift from an attitude of “God owes me something” to “God owes me nothing”, from a sense of entitlement to a sense of gratitude, then we can be assured a degree of comfort in the face of any adversity. Let’s commit to more Shirah in our lives. In so doing we can expect to feel more grateful, more joyful, and better prepared to confront and life’s challenges with faith determination.

  

Seeing Beyond the Problems

The Talmud in Gittin tells us that the Second Temple was destroyed due to the baseless hatred exemplified in the story of Kamtza and Bar Kamtzah. In short, Bar Kamtzah was publicly humiliated by his enemy and felt that the Rabbis should have done more in his defense. Bar Kamtzah wanted to get the Rabbis in trouble with Rome. He approached the Roman Governor of Jerusalem and said that the Jews were rebelling. To prove his point, he told the governor to send a korban to the Beit Hamikdash and see whether the Jews accepted it. The governor sent a perfect animal that was worthy of being offered on the Mizbeiach. In transit, Bar Kamtza created a slight blemish in the animal which although overlooked by non-Jews is problematic according to Halacha. Upon receiving the animal, the Rabbis understood the gravity of the situation and were inclined to accept the Governor’s gift and offer it on the mizbeiach. Rabbi Zecharya ben Avkules vehemently objected on the grounds of Halachic integrity: people will say that such an animal is really OK for the altar when it in fact is not. In the end, the Rabbis headed this alarmist call and did not offer the governor’s sacrifice. Concerning this story Rabbi Yochanan said, “The hesitance of Rabbi Zecharya ben Avkules caused the destruction of the Temple and caused us to be exiled from our Land.” Rav Zecharya ben Avkules’ hesitance and his inability to see beyond the problems can be attributed to a fixation on perfection. The blemishes need not be overlooked, but they must never paralyze us or cause us to overlook the bigger picture.

This year we will add a layer of mourning to Tisha B’Av due to October 7 and the ensuing war in Gaza. While it is important to mourn the tragedy and to honor those who have been murdered for being Jewish, we must also appreciate the fundamental difference that exists when Tisha B’Av is being observed at a time when there is Jewish sovereignty over the Land of Israel.

I once heard a story from a colleague who went to visit his neighbor in Israel, a contractor, who was sitting shiva for his father in the days leading up to Tisha B’Av. During the shiva visit another neighborhood friend came to visit who was also a contractor. The contractor sitting shiva shared that on Tisha B’av he was going to go to his father’s senior residence in Petach Tikva to spend some time with his father’s friends who could not come during shiva due to the distance to Jerusalem The neighbor shared, “I always go to a 6 a.m. minyan on Tisha B’Av and then go to work.” The man sitting shiva was surprised that his friend worked on Tisha B’Av, as common custom is to avoid work (at least until midday), and tradition teaches that no Siman Bracha emerges from work performed on Tisha B’Av. The neighbor responded: “I actually work double on Tisha B’av because I am building buildings in Jerusalem.

The destroyed Jerusalem is being rebuilt by me. What better way to observe Tisha B’av than to rebuild the broken Jerusalem? I tell my workers, ‘take off the day before, the day after, I don’t care. But on Tisha B’Av we work double, rebuilding Jerusalem.” It is not easy, and we do not live in simple times. But fortunate is a generation like ours that, while we still have much to mourn over nonetheless, has the special zechut to be a part of the rebuilding of Jerusalem and the strengthening of the Jewish People in our homeland.

 

Family First

This week we read about the request of the tribes of Gad and Reuven to settle on the      eastern bank of the Jordan and to not enter the Promised Land. The tribes of Gad and Reuven camped and traveled together on the same side of the Mishkan. These two tribes were also both firstborn sons to their respective mothers (ie Zilpah and Leah). According to the Midrash, both gad and Reuven were among the wealthiest tribes. They had many flocks of sheep and cattle, which explains why they were interested in remaining in the grasslands and pastures on the eastern bank of the Jordan.

The Midrash suggests, by way of criticism that it was because they were focused on their wealth that these two tribes chose to not enter Israel. We find in the text of the story itself this notion that the tribes of Gad and Reuven had an unhealthy fixation on wealth which lead to warped priorities. When the two tribes approached Moshe with their proposal to not enter Israel they said (Bamidbar 32:16): “We will build fenced-in enclosures for our cattle and cities for our young children.” They prioritize their cattle before their children. Moshe is then forced to correct them in an attempt to get them to prioritize correctly (Bamidbar 32:24): “Build cities for your young children (first) and fenced-in enclosures for your cattle.”

The question we must ask is: how could have Gad and Reuven had such mixed up priorities? The question is strengthened in light of another tradition related to the tribes of Gad and Reuven. The Talmud (Makot 10) notes that Hashem commanded Moshe to set aside six cities of refuge. Cities of refuge were used by accidental murderers. The same number of cities were set aside for the tribes of Gad and Reuven (and half of Menashe) as they were for the rest of the tribes. The Talmud notes this discrepancy and explains that there was a disproportionate amount of bloodshed in the territory of Gad and Reuven. We can suggest two contributing factors that may explain the breakdown in morals among the tribes of Gad and Reuven. First, the tribal leaders had a warped sense of priorities, as is on display when they prioritize their cattle over their children. A second  contributing factor may have been the lack of fathers present among these two tribes. The leaders of Gad and Reuven  promised to fight for the conquering and settling of Eretz Yisrael. This means that a generation of Reuvenite and Gadite  children grew up with fathers who were more absent than  present. While mothers are traditionally viewed as the predominant biological child-care provider, studies consistently show that children who don’t have a relationship with their father are more likely to be at risk for negative outcomes, including severe negative outcomes such as higher rates of incarceration.

This attitude towards children is already on display by the patriarch of the Reuven Tribe. In Parshat Mikeitz, the brothers of  Joseph are trying to convince Yaakov to allow Binyamin to travel to Egypt as per the demand of the viceroy. First Reuven approached his father and said (Bereishit 42: 37): “You may kill my two sons if I do not bring him back to you.” Reuven does not seem to have placed a very high value on the lives of his children. We therefore should not be all that surprised when Reuven’s descendants prioritize possessions over children.

While the mistaken priorities of Reuven (the man and the tribe) may seem obvious, it can be hard to always live our lives according to our professed priority for our family and our children. How many parents sacrifice time with their children for time they spend in the hopes of getting ahead professionally? How many of us interrupt time with our children to take a work call or respond to an email that’s not an emergency? As we read about Gad and Reuven let’s remember to have the right priorities. And just important as it is to have proper priorities is to make sure that we live according to those priorities.

 

Yes, We Can Learn from Everyone

“Only a fool learns from his own mistakes, a wise man from the mistakes of others.”

I must disagree with the first half of this quote from Otto von Bismarck. It is not foolish to learn from one’s own mistakes. It is prudent. Learning from our mistakes transforms failures into growth opportunities. One might argue that to make mistakes in the first place is what is foolish. I disagree. It requires great strength and confidence to take the risks that can sometimes lead to mistakes and failures. As any entrepreneur will tell you one can learn more from mistakes than from successes. This is the thesis of the book Brilliant Mistakes, in which author Paul Schoemaker argues that 99% of successes emerge from failures. This leads to 3 recommendations that Schoemaker addresses to business leaders, but are applicable each of us:

1. Mistakes should be expected and planned for

2. Once made, mistakes should be thoroughly explored and viewed as a resource going forward. As

Schoemaker puts it, “you’ve already paid the tuition so why not get the learning?”

3. Making mistakes that emerge from risk taking (and not just laziness) should be encouraged.

We can all agree on the second half of Bismarck’s saying: A wise person learns from the mistakes of others.

We often think about how we can learn from role models, from people who possess qualities to which we aspire, from people who act in ways that we consider noble and good. But we are limiting ourselves if we only learn from role models and heroes. There is something to learn from everyone. This is stated explicitly in Chapter Four of Pirkei Avot: “Eizehu Chacham? Who is wise? Halomed Mikol Adam: One who learns from everyone.”

EVERYONE?! Are we sure that everyone has something to teach us? The answer is yes. We can learn from everyone. From some people we learn how to act. And from others we learn what not to do. It’s actually more complicated than that. In a world where people are not caricatures of good or evil, but rather complex, it is more likely that we encounter people in our lives that we are inspired to emulate them in some ways while looking to contrast our behavior with how they act at other times.

The closer the relationship, the more likely we are to engage in both learning from comparisons and learning from contrasts. Take parents as an example. In an ideal situation children learn many positive lessons from their parents. But parents are not perfect, and children also witness parental mistakes and inconsistencies. One of the ways children grow and develop is by learning in both ways from their parents: ie what to do and also what not to do.

The story of the Daughters of Tzelafchad contain an example of such modeling. The Rabbis in Masechet Shabbat dispute what Tzelafchad’s sin was. Rabbi Akiva says that he was the “M’koshesh Eitzim,” the person who gathered wood on Shabbat and was stoned for this transgression. Rabbi Shimon says that Tzelafchad was a member of the Ma’apilim, the group that in response to the sin of the spies decided to travel to Israel against God’s advice and with fatal results.

Tzelafchad’s daughters were able to learn from their father’s mistake. Not only that, but they were able to emulate the positive motivations that may have influenced Tzelafchad.

If Tzelafchad was a member of the Ma’apilim, then we see his daughters demonstrating their father’s Chibat Tzion, a love and zeal for Eretz Yisrael that they were able to channel in an appropriate fashion.

And if Tzelafchad was the Mekoshesh Eitzim, the wood-gatherer, then his daughters found the teachable lesson from that sin too. According to some, the wood-gatherer desecrated Shabbat “L’shem Shamayim”. He martyred himself to warn the people of the severity of Sabbath desecration and the veracity of the Torah’s justice system.

This desire to serve as a case study for Bnei Yisrael and to show the validity of the Torah was harnessed by Tzelafchad’s daughters and utilized appropriately. The daughters of Tzelafchad were able to redeem their father’s place in history, by learning from him both what to do and what NOT to do. Their story is a powerful example of the lesson from Pirkei Avot: To be wise means to learn from everyone: what to abandon and what to embrace.

 

Poor Vision Can be Compensated by Great Perception

Wesley Walker played for the NY Jets from 1977-1989 and is considered one of Jets all-time great receivers. He averaged 19 yards per reception over the course of his career and was named twice to the Pro Bowl. And Wesley is legally blind in one eye.

At the time, Walker was considered a medical miracle. How could he catch a football on the run so well without the use of both eyes? In a 1983 newspaper article, a doctor from the Institute of Sports Medicine put it this way: “The most intriguing thing for me, is what this means for young people who have handicaps. The brain has ways to overcome them that are as yet inexplicable” I am sure that the ophthalmologists in our shul can do a better job explaining the miracle of sight. But what I learned from Wesley Walker is that sight and perception are two different things, similar to hearing and listening. Wesley Walker was able to compensate his handicapped vision through the power of perception.

In this morning’s Parsha, Bilam refers to himself as “Shetum Ha’ayin” (24:3). Rashi explains that since the phrase only refers to one eye, we learn from here that Bilam only had one working eye. As we saw by Wesley Walker blindness in one eye need not be a debilitating handicap, so long as one works to sharpen his perception. But this is woefully lacking from Bilam’s bio and can be understood as the root of his downfall.

In the very next Pasuk Bilam claims to be “one who sees the vision of G-d” and yet the Torah describes time and again a lack of perception on the part of Bilam. This is most clearly illustrated when we read how Bilam’s donkey was able to perceive The Angel of G-d while Bilam was not. But there are other examples of Bilam’s lack of perception. For example at the very end of the narrative, after Balak and Bilam’s plan has been thwarted, the Torah says (24:25): “And Bilam got up and went and returned to his place.” Bilam just witnessed G-d’s salvation of the Jewish People, transforming his intended curses into blessings. He just witnessed the supernatural miracle of a donkey talking (remember this was before the series of Shrek movies). And what is his response? Nothing. He may have seen these things but it did not affect his perception of G-d, the world or his role in life. Wesley Walker proves that one can compensate vision deficits by working hard on perception. Bilaam is a cautionary tale of all that we can miss when we merely give a casual glance at the world around us instead of perceiving what is really in front of our eyes.

We look forward to the day that we pray for every morning right before Shema: Or Chadash Al Tzion Tair” May Hashem shine a new light on us to, a light of both vision and perception onto us and all of humanity. “V’Nizkeh Chulanu Meheira l’Oro” and may our efforts at perception positively transform ourselves and the world around us.