Choosing Between Right and Right

After Yosef and his brothers bury their father Yaakov in Chevron, on the way back the brothers are afraid that Yosef will now take his revenge. So they tell Yosef: “Before our father died, he told us to tell you to forgive us for selling you into slavery all those years ago.” In response Yosef cries. Yosef cried because he was sad that the brothers even suspected him of taking revenge.

Rashi notes that Yaakov never said this to the brothers. Rather the brothers made up this story and “Mutar L’shanot Mipnei HaShalom”: it is permissible to alter/ change the truth for the sake of peace.

This idea that Rashi quotes is found in the Talmud.  Lying for the sake of peace is an example of the real challenges that emerge when we have to make real life decisions. To decide to do good, or to avoid doing evil, is pretty straightforward. Much more difficult is determining the priorities of which good to do first. Or which good to do if you can only do one.

For example, the Talmud discusses what one should do if there is an opportunity to attend a funeral, but it is also time to say Shema. Both are good deeds. Which one is more important? Do you skip Shema to attend the funeral? Or skip the funeral to say Shema?

On the other side of the coin, it can be difficult deciding between two bad options.  For example, if someone says “I’ll kill you if you don’t kill your friend”- both options are very bad. What do you do? (Answer: allow yourself to be killed, and don’t actively take another’s life.)

Saving life is an important value. Keeping Shabbat is an important value. What happens when these values conflict: ie a person is in health danger and needs to drive to the emergency room? How do we decide which value is more important? It’s not so easy. It’s complicated. We must look to our tradition, to our teachers, to the Halacha to help guide us in these complicated situations.

Peace is an important value. It is one of God’s names (that’s really what we mean when say “Shalom Aleichem”). Truth is an important value. The Talmud says that God’s signature is “Emet”. Which value wins out? Can you lie for the sake of peace? Here we say yes, but it will depend: What kind of lie? And what kind of peace?

Determining these priorities, these values, what is most good and what is least bad, is a lifelong challenge. As children we are taught to differentiate between right and wrong. As adults we must grapple with prioritizing two rights or two wrongs. What makes life complicated but also exciting is our need to learn the Jewish perspectives in creating a hierarchy of values, and then applying this system in real life situations.