Friday, May 4, 2018

Loving People When It’s Not So Easy


There are a number of customs associated with the Sefira period: restrictions on weddings, hair-cutting, and music to name a few. All of these practices are utilized in Jewish tradition to foster a feeling of mourning and loss in our lives. For instance, these are some of the same restrictions we find during the Three Weeks when we mourn the Beit Hamikdash’s destruction. They are also practices we associate with mourning over the death of a close relative.

                One of the reasons offered as to why we observe a period of quasi-mourning during Sefira is the tradition that 24,000 of Rabbi Akiva’s students died during this period. It remains a mystery what was the physical cause of death: was it some form of plague? Were they killed in battle during the Bar Kochba revolt (we know how supportuive Rabbi Akiva was of Bar Kochba.) Whatever the physical cause of death was, the Talmud (Yevamot 62b) suggests the spiritual reason for this tragedy and the lesson we are supposed to learn from the episode: “They did not treat each other with respect.”

                This suggestion is difficult in light of the fact that we know that “Love your neighbor as yourself” was considered by Rabbi Akiva to be a fundamental principle of the Torah. How could his students have learned from Rabbi Akiva and yet not learn this lesson?

                 One possibility is that perhaps the students took their Rebbe’s lesson a bit too literally. The verse in the Torah is “Ve’Ahavta Lereiacha Kamocha” which means “love your neighbor as yourself”. There is much discussion as to what the word “Kamocha” means in this context. Perhaps the students of Rabbi Akiva took it to mean that you must be willing to get along with people that are Kamocha: ie with whom you share similarities. It’s easy to like people that are similar to us; people that share our worldview, our values, and our priorities. But how do we treat people with whom we disagree? How do we treat people with whom we normally agree but strongly disagree on a particular topic that is very important to both parties? How do we treat people that are different than us? This is when “Love your neighbor” becomes a challenge and much more important. It’s like the parent who is disappointed in the behavior or actions of their child and says to them, “I love you right now, I just don’t like you very much at this moment.”

                The goal of our shul is to encourage religious growth and a culture of caring. In so doing we hope to also be a beacon of Judaism to the broader world. Sefira is an appropriate time to remember our mission and begin working on this. The period between Pesach and Shavuot was a time of great spiritual growth for our ancestors who left Mitzrayim. And it can serve that purpose for us as well. When we contemplate religious growth it’s important to remember that how we treat our fellow Jew is as religiously significant as our prayer, Torah study, and observance of Shabbat and Kashrut. Both must be present in order to develop a well-rounded religious persona. During this Sefira period, let us commit to working on our interpersonal relationships and interactions.  Let us appreciate the importance of loving our fellow Jews who may be different than us and with whom we may disagree, and not just when loving our neighbor is easy.

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