Spite is Not a Good Reason

 

In one episode of the TV show Seinfeld (“the Wig Master” Episode 129) Jerry buys a crested blazer, but doesn’t like the salesperson that sold it to him. He goes back to the store and wants to return the jacket. When the sales associate asks why he wants to return the jacket, Jerry says “for spite”. The associate then confers with her manager who comes over and tells Jerry that store policy does not allow returns due to spite (and since he already said it was due to spite, they would not accept the return, even if Jerry offered another reason for the return).

Spite is a uniquely human phenomenon, evident in even young children. Paul Bloom, a psychologist at Yale University recently conducted the following experiment. A child, who had a dislike for broccoli, was instructed to look into another room where there was a child behaving badly. Then the observing child is informed that the badly behaving child will be getting his favorite food- broccoli. But before the plate of broccoli is brought to the badly behaved child, the observing child is given the option of eating some of the broccoli (which he doesn’t like) with the knowledge that only his leftovers will reach the badly behaved child. Bloom reports that some children would literally be in tears as they scarfed down broccoli- even though they don’t like it- just to make sure that the other child was not “unfairly” rewarded. Spite is the tendency that people show to be upset by the prospect of someone else benefiting, even if that benefit does not come at their expense in any way.

Being spiteful is not something we necessarily grow out of as adults. People will sometimes work to ensure that another person gain no benefit from a given situation, even though their personal position will not be enhanced as a result. While the Torah does not condone being spiteful, in Parshat Shoftim it acknowledges that spite is a powerful human emotion. The beginning of Chapter 20 outlines some laws of warfare and mentions 4 people who are exempt from military service. The first three of these exemptions are: One who built a new house but has not yet lived in it, one who planted a vineyard but has not yet enjoyed its fruits, and one who is engaged but has not yet gotten married. While these exemptions seem reasonable, the reason offered by the Torah is surprising: “lest he die in the war, and another man inaugurate the house/ redeem the field, take his wife”. The loss of life in battle is always unfortunate/ tragic. Why are these specific circumstances – and especially the possibility of “another man”- worth noting? The Torah is aware of the power of spite. As we gear up for the High Holidays, let us recognize the power of spite in order that we avoid falling into that trap.