The Power of Grandparents

 

My Oma and Opa lived in Dallas. After my Oma passed away, I went to visit my Opa. On that trip my grandfather made me flat bread pizza for lunch one day. He put crush red pepper on the pizza. I had never had crushed red pepper on my pizza before, and I loved it. My Opa served as a cook in the US Army during World War II, so I was not surprised that he had a knack for seasonings. I don’t always put red pepper flakes on my pizza (and I don’t eat pizza as often as I once did), but whenever I do I think of my Opa. I remember another incident when my grandparents were with us for Yom Tov. I was walking home from shul with my Opa and he was talking to me about saffron, the spice. He mentioned to me how saffron and ginger are spices mentioned in the Gemara. That conversation was well over 30 years ago, and yet I clearly remember that interaction with my grandfather. 

There’s a saying that grandparents and grandchildren get along so well because they have a common enemy: the parents. While that may be a joke, the bond between grandparents and grandchildren is unique, as is the impact that grandparents can have on their grandchildren. In Parshat Vayeitzei, the story shifts focus onto Yaakov. While we generally refer to Jacob as Yaakov Avinu (our father Jacob, ie one of the patriarchs), our tradition also refers to Jacob as Yisrael Saba, (Grandfather Israel). There are two instances in this week’s Parsha that our Rabbis relate to the influence that grandparents can have on grandchildren.

In Vateitzei we read how Yaakov flees his parents’ home to escape Eisav’s rage and to find a wife in Padam Aram. Yaakov meets Rachel and realizes that she is “the one”. At that meeting Yaakov cries (Bereishit 29:11). Rashi quotes a Midrash that explains the backstory. When Yaakov ran away, Eisav sent his son Elifaz to kill Yaakov. Elifaz caught up with Yaakov and was about to kill him, when Yaakov convinced Elifaz that he could rob his uncle instead, because a person without any money is considered to be dead. Rashi notes that Elifaz was reluctant to kill Yaakov, even though he was commanded to do so by his father, because Elifaz grew up in Yitzchak’s home. Elifaz was positively influenced by his grandfather to the extent that he was willing to disobey his father’s immoral demand and save his uncle’s life.

At the end of Vayeitzei we read about the descendants of Eisav. One of Eisav’s grandchildren was Amalek. Amalek’s father was Elifaz. The Midrash explains that Elifaz encouraged his son Amalek to support and befriend the descendants of Yaakov, because Yaakov’s family is blessed. Amalek did not listen to his father. Instead, he harbored a deep hatred for Bnei Yisrael, and Amalek is the symbol of those who hate Jews throughout the ages. Why didn’t Amalek listen to his father? The Midrash explains that Amalek was more influenced by his grandfather Eisav, who held on to a deep hatred for Yaakov and his descendants. Just as Elifaz was most influenced by his grandfather Yitzchak and therefore saved Yaakov, so too Amalek was most influenced by his grandfather Eisav to antagonize Yaakov. Once again we see the power of grandparents to influce their grandchildren and, sometimes, the course of Jewish history.