Beware of the “If Only” Syndrome

During his lifetime, disciples of Rav Nachman of Breslov would be sure to be with their Rebbe for Rosh Hashanah. The Rebbe himself said in 1810 in front of of 100’s of Chasidim that “Rosh Hashana is my whole mission.” And “therefore no one should be missing.”

18 days later Reb Nachman passed away. But his disciples understood Reb Nachman’s preaching the importance of being together on Rosh Hashanah as a sign that they should continue the practice even after their Rebbe’s death. And so began a custom for Bresolver Chassidim to travel to their Rebbe’s gravesite in Uman for Rosh Hashanah. Over the next 150 years this custom was upheld by only a small number of the most ardent and committed Chasidim. For most disciples Uman for Rosh Hashanah was only a dream due to the danger, antagonism and uncertainty that comprised most of the 19^th and 20^th centuries for Jews in the Ukraine.

With the fall of Communism, that all changed. In 1989 over 1000 Chasidim were in Uman for Rosh Hashanah. That number doubled by the next year.

Ten years later the number of pilgrims to Uman reached 10,000. Five years later that number had doubled again. By now the pilgrims included not only devoted Breslov Chasidim but also Jews of diverse affiliations and nationalities, especially Israelis. At its height, before the war with Russia and COVID, there were close to 50,000 men making the pilgrimage to Uman for Rosh Hashanah.

Though the Chasid in me is intrigued by the phenomenon of Uman for Rosh Hashana, I tend to agree with those Rabbis who are opposed to the Rosh Hashanah pilgrimage. First, men with families belong home with their families on Yom Tov. Another issue I have with the trip to Uman is based on an idea that emerges from this morning’s Torah reading.

Moshe transmits to Bnei Yisrael the accessibility of Jewish life and meaning:

“It is not in the heavens, that you should say, 'Who among us can go up to the heavens and get it for us and impart it to us, that we may observe it?' Neither is it beyond the sea, that you should say, 'Who among us can cross to the other side of the sea and get it for us and impart it to us, that we may observe it?'" (Devarim 30:11-13).

Targum Yerushalmi adds a bit of commentary into the translation:

“The Torah is not in the heavens that you should say, 'If only we would have someone like Moshe the prophet who would ascend to the heavens and bring it to us and teach the laws, we would observe them.'

Neither is the Torah across the sea that you should say, 'If only we would have someone like Yonah the prophet who would descend to the depths of the ocean and bring it to us and teach the laws, we would observe them.”

A major impediment to change and growth is what I call the “if only” syndrome.

A person identifies the need for change or avenues for growth. But just when the plan begins to coalesce we begin to tell ourselves, “If only.” If only times were different or the situation was more conducive, this change would occur. If only leaders the likes of Moshe or Yona were available to teach and inspire us- then we could grow and change and improve.” If only I spend Rosh Hashanah in Uman- then I would be able to achieve my spiritual goals.”

A pilgrimage to Rav Nachman’s grave site for the New Year may be the right choice for a select few. But for most of us, instead of Uman Rosh Hashanah we need to focus on Po- Hayom, as mentioned at the beginning of the Parsha. Here and now we are blessed and equipped with the teachings and capacity to make resolutions. We must reject the “if only” syndrome and appreciate the potential that exists within us- Po Hayom, here and now.