Although the last Parsha in Sefer Bereishit is named Vayechi (“and he lived”) the focus of the reading is on the death of Yaakov. Just as life is a process, so too is death. Yaakov teaches us that just as we prepare to live, it is also appropriate to prepare for death. In the Parsha we have no less than three episodes in a row where Yaakov prepares for his death by talking to his descendants. The Parsha opens with Yaakov beckoning Yosef and expressing his desire to be buried in Chevron. Yosef swears that he will make it happen, and Yaakov is relieved and grateful that this aspect of his final affairs has been put in order. We then read that sometime later Yosef is informed that Yaakov’s health has made a turn for the worse. Before Yaakov gets any weaker he wants to bless his grandsons Ephraim and Menashe, effectively elevating these grandsons to the same status as the tribes. Finally, Chapter 49 opens with Yaakov summoning his sons to his deathbed in order to share with them his last will and testament, i.e. his parting lessons and blessings to each of his sons. It is clear that Yaakov did not wait until his dying day to discuss with his family his wishes for after his death. While Yaakov detailed his wishes regarding where to be buried, there are other “end of life” issues that people need to discuss with their families – before it’s too late. Another issue that needs to be discussed is a person’s wishes regarding end of life medical care. Last year we hosted Rabbi Shlomo Brody, Executive Director of Eimatai. Eimatai is an organization that encourages, facilitates, and provides resources to families regarding medical interventions at the end of a person’s life. People have very different opinions about the type of medical interventions they want to have when the prognosis is not good and doctors begin to run out of options. Jewish law expresses values and rules on this subject, and yet there is still diversity of opinions and flexibility within the Halacha. That’s why it’s important for a person to either execute an Advance Directive/ Health Care Proxy form – or at least have a conversation with your family to express your feelings and your wishes. The same is true regarding a person’s wishes regarding burial location. I once was approached by a young man whose father expressed his desire to be buried in Israel. The son was stressed because while the father expressed this wish, he had not made any arrangements with a cemetery or Chevra Kadisha in Israel that could fulfill those wishes. This son remained anxious about what he would do until his father told him that he bought a cemetery plot in the US. Has your family discussed issues related to end of life medical care, final arrangements, and wills/estates? These conversations can be uncomfortable, but they are important. It is similarly stressful, and sometimes divisive, if a parent doesn’t appoint a healthcare proxy, or at least share their feelings about end of life care, while they are still of sound mind and body. It can be disruptive and divisive if a person passes away without ever divulging anything regarding the division of his/her estate. The National Association of Chevra Kaddisha has designated this Shabbat for education and awareness regarding end of life issues. Below you will find some links that provide information and resources. There are forms that we can fill out: regarding Halachic Last Wills, Healthcare Proxies, and even information on composing an Ethical Will or Legacy Letter. More important than the paperwork is broaching the topics and opening the conversation. There is a tradition that if we emulate Yaakov and put our affairs in order in advance, then it is a segulah for a long life. Doing so is definitely a tremendous gift to our families who will be called on, hopefully after 120 years, to handle those issues.
Resources: https://nasck.org/initiatives/
Young Israel of Hollywood section at South Florida Jewish Cemetery: https://www.
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