Appreciating Family

 This year Chanukah falls out during the last week of December. This overlap will enable more Jews to have time off over Chanukah and spend time with family. In Parshat Vayeshev we are introduced to the friction and dysfunction that existed in Yaakov’s family- especially between Yosef and his brothers. I’d like to share with you a quote from Rav Soloveitchik that speaks to this idea (printed in Vision and Leadership: Reflections on Joseph and Moses)

“In my opinion, the basic mistake of the brothers was not jealousy. Rather, it was the lack of appreciation of one of the most precious gifts that the Almighty has granted humans: the sense of unity that members of a family feel for each other, a manifold ontological experience that expresses itself in love and devotion. Neither Joseph nor his brothers appreciated this great gift…It is the joy and experience of being together as a family, parents and siblings. I think of this during Yizkor, when those who have living parents leave the synagogue, and I am filled with envy, but I also regret that many do not appreciate their parents and “how good and how pleasant it is for brothers to dwell together.” Had Joseph’s brothers understood this, Jewish history would have taken on different dimensions, and our historical experience would be a different one.”

Rav Soloveitchik continues:

“Gratitude is a basic virtue in Judaism, and whoever proves to be an ingrate is punished. Indeed the punishment here was that the gift of unity was taken away from the person who failed to appreciate it. The sons of Jacob were very unhappy. They envied Joseph, for he had a multicolored coat; each one apparently thought that he would have been the happiest person if his father had given him the multicolored coat instead. They obsessed over this nonsensical thought without appreciating the real happiness of being together as twelve brothers. So they lost him. They did not appreciate each other; they did not bestow love and devotion upon each other; they were hostile to each other, there was a treasure within reach, and they did not appreciate the treasure.”

Rav Soloveitchik reminisces and shares a personal memory at this point:

“I remember when I was seven or eight, I saved up money to buy ice cream and I shared it with my brother. This is a memory that unites me with him. It did not unite me with my sisters, nor did it unite me with my youngest brother. And there are hundreds of memories like that. This common past is a tremendous bond.”

Finally, Rav Soloevitchik notes the significance of the fact that all Jews are considered brothers:

“As Jews, we have a living memory which spans centuries and millennia. We also have an awareness of a common destiny. The past is real to us; the future is also real- as real as the past. Basically, this memory of the past together with anticipation of the future are two experiences of brothers. And since jews are brothers, “Acheinu Kol Beit Yisrael” that is what unites us: the common past and the common future.”

As we plan for the upcoming holiday of Chanukah let us think about how we might celebrate with family (whether in person or remotely). Let us utilize Chanukah to strengthen our connections to our biological family as well as to our broader Jewish family. 

Leaning In to the Loneliness

 Who was the mysterious man with whom Yaakov struggled in Parshat Vaayishlach? Some suggest that Yaakov struggled with himself. Earlier, Yaakov stole Eisav’s blessings of prosperity and wealth. He fled his parents’ home as an innocent and pure yeshiva student. In the intervening years Yaakov experienced a lot and he changed a lot. He is now a wealthy head of a sizeable clan. As he prepares to be confronted by Eisav, Yaakov struggled with himself. Who had he become? Who was he really? Had the blessings he stole from Eisav changed him in ways that made him more like Eisav? The next morning Eisav finally confronted Yaakov. Instead of yelling at him or fighting with him, Eisav suggested that the brothers travel together. Eisav liked what he saw in Yaakov- which was not good news for Yaakov. It seems that Yaakov had good reason to be worried and to struggle with himself the night before the reunion.

Others suggest that Yaakov struggled with “Saro shel Eisav’ Eisav/ Edom’s guardian angel. During this struggle with the angel Yaakov was injured. In the morning, the angel wanted to flee but Yaakov, though injured, held on to his adversary and insisted that the angel bless him before leaving. The angel blessed him, and Yaakov limped away.

According to Hasidic thought, Yaakov brought a limp to Am Yisrael as a result of this incident that has stayed with us throughout time; and will stay with us until Moshiach. What is this limp? According to Kabalah Yaakov was injured in his attribute of Hod, which is majesty. Rav Moshe Weinberger explained that the injury to Am Yisrael’s quality of Hod finds expression in the Jewish People’s feelings of unbearable loneliness. The feeling of Levado (loneliness) that Yaakov felt is the feeling of Levado that we have felt acutely since October 7. The Jewish People feel a terrible sense of isolation, a feeling that we are in a fight against the entire world.

In his article in Commentary Magazine entitled “Splendid Isolation” John Podhoretz wrote that any time the State of Israel has used force in self-defense there have been warnings from “the international community” that Israel’s actions could lead to the Jewish State’s “isolation”. Israel’s isolation at the UN began immediately after Israel’s successful preemptive war in 1967. Ever since there has been a predictable pattern: Israel is attacked, Israel fights back, “the international community” warns Israel not to fight back too much or risk being “isolated”.

The threat of isolation is wearing away at some Jews and causing others to despair. This isolation is unjust, hypocritical and anti-Semitic. But at the end of the day it doesn’t matter because Israel’s isolation is a not a defect, it is a feature. It is a feature of the fact that the Jewish State and the Jewish People have been chosen for a unique mission and therefore must remain alone.

Yaakov’s injury was caused by his insistence that he receive a blessing from the Saro Shel Eisav. This created his limp, but it also created a wound in the majesty of the Jewish People. This injury remains due to our desire to receive the validation of the “international community” Israelis and Jews around the world desperately want the world to validate our claims to “be a free nation in our national homeland” to quote Hatikva.

The Midrash teaches that Just as God is alone in this world, Vanisgav Hashem Levado, so too are we alone in this world, Veyavater Yaakov Levado. Even though there are billions of people on this planet, nevertheless when considering the Jewish People Hashem views the world as if it’s just Him and us. The majesty of the Jewish People is found in our understanding that we don’t depend on other nations; we only depend on Hashem.

Always Go Up on the Ladder of Life

 Two weeks ago crypto investor Justin Sun paid $6.2 million for a banana duct-taped to a wall, highlighting the soaring values of crypto and viral art. Sotheby’s auctioned off the infamous banana, titled “Comedian,” created by Italian artist and cultural prankster Maurizio Cattelan. “This is not just an artwork,” Sun said in a statement. “It represents a cultural phenomenon that bridges the worlds of art, memes, and the cryptocurrency community. I believe this piece will inspire more thought and discussion in the future and will become a part of history. I am honored to be the proud owner of this iconic work and look forward to it sparking further inspiration and impact for art enthusiasts around the world.”

“Comedian” shot to fame at its debut at Art Basel Miami Beach in 2019, priced at $120,000. The image of a banana duct-taped to a wall, and priced at six figures, went viral over social media and attracted such massive crowds that the work had to be removed. There were three editions of “Comedian” created and sold, with one going to the Guggenheim Collection thanks to an anonymous donor, and the other two purchased. The seller of the Sotheby’s banana had purchased it from one of the original buyers and was reselling it. For his $6 million, Sun will get a roll of duct tape, instructions on how to “install” the banana and (most importantly) a certificate of authenticity guaranteeing it as an original work of Cattelan’s. The banana is not included, since it will quickly rot and need to be constantly changed for display. Because the value of the banana is derived from the certificate, rather than the object itself, many in the crypto community likened it to an NFT. The seller, clearly understanding the appeal, accepted crypto as a form of payment.

Last Friday, a week after buying it, Sun ate the banana in a move he bragged about on social media.

"Many friends have asked me about the taste of the banana,"; Sun wrote in a post on X alongside a video of him eating the multimillion-dollar piece. "To be honest, for a banana with such a back story, the taste is naturally different from an ordinary one.” Sun wrote that as thanks to Shah Alam — the 74-year-old Bangladeshi fruit stand employee who originally sold the banana for just 25 cents — he would purchase 100,000 bananas to be distributed for free to Alam's customers. Speaking to the New York Times, however, Alam noted a number of logistical issues with Sun's proposal. The profit on bananas is relatively low, Alam told the paper — only about $6,000 on a purchase of 100,000 bananas. And Alam is an employee of the fruit stand, not its owner. His salary of $12/hour during his 12-hour workday, which affords him a shared basement apartment in the Bronx, would not be affected by a bulk novelty sale.

In Parshat Vayeitzei we read about Yaakov’s dream of a Sulam, a ladder, stretching from earth to heaven. The Baal Haturim notes that the Gemataria (numerical value) of the word Sulam is the same as mamon, money, and oni, poverty. A ladder can bring a person to great heights as well as to the lowest depths. That is why a ladder is a proper metaphor for both prosperity and poverty. Money has the ability to elevate a person if used for charity and good deeds. But money can also degrade a person if used to indulge one’s base desires. Poverty also is like a ladder. The Talmud (Eruvin 41b) teaches that a poverty-stricken person is vulnerable to sinfulness. On the other hand a person who “passes the test of poverty” is elevated in that his/her happiness and self-worth come from within and not from the size of their bank account. People who have little can live simpler lives, while feeling blessed and truly free. Both poverty and wealth can be a test. Whatever comes our way, let us utilize to move up the ladder, and never down.

Report from Israel

 On Wednesday my family and I (all 6 of us!) participated in a JNF day long mission to the south of Israel. 

We started our day at Kibbutz Nir Yitzchak. The kibbutz was established on December 9, 1949 along with 10 other settlements. The State of Israel had been established a year and a half earlier and it was viewed as a priority to develop the south of the nascent state in order to help strengthen the Jewish hold on the land (some things never change). The kibbutz produces cucumbers, baby carrots, potatoes and citrus as well as dairy in the cowshed on site. When I get back, ask me about the amazing story of the cows of Nir Yitzchak.

On 7 October 2023, the Hamas Nuseirat Battalion attacked the kibbutz. Two civilian members of the kibbutz's security team including its leader, and one IDF soldier, were known to have been killed on the day of the attack. Four other team members who were originally noted as missing and presumed abducted, were subsequently also identified as being killed on that day. This includes two whose bodies were taken to Gaza.

Seven civilian residents were taken hostage. Two elderly hostages were released before crossing into Gaza. Three were released during the 2023 hostage release. The final two were freed by the IDF in a targeted mission during Rafah offensive.

Half of the residents of Nir Yitzchak have returned home. The other half, consisting of many if the families with young children, have not yet returned. It’s difficult to live in Nir Yitzchak today. The war is ongoing in Gaza. We heard a few tank  booms while we were there, and we were told that it’s much worse at night. 

I spoke with the recently elected leader of the Nir Yitzchak community council. She told me that her mission now is to create “a new energy” and to make the kibbutz a place where current residents feel supported and want to return. She is also focused on doing what is needed to prepare the kibbutz for an expansion of families in the future. I told the the council leader that bringing people back to Nir Yitzchak is important not just for the kibbutz, but for the State of Israel and for the Zionist vision of settling the entire Jewish homeland.

We then visited the Tekuma car graveyard where we saw over 400 burnt cars completely  destroyed by terrorists on October 7 plus hundreds of others that were badly damaged. What was previously a junkyard is now a national pilgrimage site of commemoration and reflection. 

Each car has a story- a story of tragedy or heroism or both. Our tour guide mentioned that this site has similarities to Holocaust related sites in Poland. Each car at Tekuma has a story just like each pair of shoes at Auschwitz has a story. At Nir Yitzchak a  kibbutz spokeswoman noted that the trauma of October 7 has similarities to the trauma of the Holocaust. However after the Holocaust almost no one went back to the scene of the trauma. The healing took place elsewhere - especially in the newly established State of Israel. The healing from October 7 will somehow have to take place at the scenes of the original trauma. Some residents won’t be able to return to their homes. But Am Yisrael as a whole has no choice. Unlike Poland, Israel is the final stop for Jewish history and for the Jewish People. We all  must do what we can, whether in Israel or in Hollywood, to heal from this trauma, to persevere, and to build a bright and strong Jewish future. 

Connecting the Dots Should Lead Us Back To Hashem

 Parshat Chayei Sara tells the story of how Eliezer, Avraham’s trusted servant, went to Aram Naharayim to find a wife for Yitzchak. Upon arriving at a well at the outskirts of the city, Eliezer devised a test whereby the first girl to offer him and his camels water should be the girl for Yitzchak. Eliezer asked Hashem to bless this endeavor. Eliezer’s shidduch test seems reasonable. Yitzchak was born into the family of Avraham, a man known for his Chesed. It makes sense that Yitzchak needed a wife who was similarly committed to Chesed- and watering a bunch of camels is a big Chesed!

The Rambam criticizes Eliezer. In exploring the Torah prohibition of nichush, fortune-telling, The Rambam writes (Avodat Kochavim 11:4): “For example, those who say: Since my piece of bread fell out of my mouth, or my staff fell from my hand, I will not travel to this place today, since if I were to go I would not be able to accomplish my desires. Since a fox passed on my right side, I will not go out of my door today, since if I were to go out I would meet a deceiver…..Similarly, a person who sets up omens for himself; e.g., if this and this happens, I will do this. If it will not happen, I will not do it, as Eliezer, the servant of Abraham did, and the things of the like - all this is forbidden.”

How do we reconcile the Rambam’s harsh criticism of Eliezer with our belief in Hashgacha/ Divine Providence, ie “everything happens for a reason”? The answer is subtle yet important. When something happens to me, whether it’s something bad or something good or even something benign, I am entitled to utilize my lived experiences as prompts and opportunities for personal growth and change. To take a mundane example, if I miss my flight I am allowed to think that it must’ve been God’s plan for me to miss my flight. (That truth would not absolve me for sleeping through my alarm nor absolve the Uber driver for picking me up late, if those were contributing factors to my missing the flight.) As I wait for the next flight I am entitled to contemplate what I am supposed to learn from this experience. Perhaps upon some reflection I come to realize that I often am late to appointments and I resolve at the terminal that from now on I will be more careful to be on time and to respect people’s time. Maybe I have no great epiphanies, and I merely resolve that I need a louder alarm. It’s my prerogative to interpret the meaning (or lack thereof) of my experiences.

I would add 3 important caveats: First and foremost I must have the humility to realize that I don’t fully understand God’s ways. God knows and we don’t know. Whatever rationales or explanations I attribute to my experiences must be predicated on this “uncertainty principle” Similarly, there are no certain outcomes. Just because someone was saved/ was blessed after s/he took upon themselves a certain mitzvah or positive behavior doesn’t mean that I will experience the same outcomes. Similarly, if something bad happens to me, I should not attribute it to a specific sin or non-observance of a specific mitzvah. There are lots of reasons why “bad things happen to good people”, and this is one of the great mysteries of the universe- something even Moshe Rabbeinu could not fully understand.

Second, takeaways from my personal experiences must lead me to growth and must be consistent with Torah law and Torah values. For example, if I got into a car accident on my way to minyan (God forbid), it would NOT be legitimate for me to come to the conclusion that this was a sign that I should not be going to minyan.

Third, I am entitled to learn from events that occur to me, but I am not entitled to interpret events for someone else. Iyov’s friends were considered cruel by our rabbis because they offered their own reasons for Iyov’s suffering. Iyov is entitled to utilize his experiences to prompt in him growth or change. Others were not supposed to tell Iyov why bad things were happening to him.

This can be a complicated and confusing topic, one that we encounter throughout our life journey. Whatever happens to us in life we should remember the words of Rivka’s father and brother. While we don’t have many nice things to say about Betuel and Lavan, we should all agree that whatever happens in life “מֵֽה יָצָ֣א הַדָּבָ֑ר” “The matter has emanated from the Lord.” 

A Shechina-Based Hospitality

 Rabbi Dr. Norman Lamm (1927-2020) was the third president of Yeshiva University. In a 2008 interview he described his contributions to Israel as it was becoming a state:

“I was here in Yeshiva University as a college student from 1945 through 1949, at the time of the founding of the State of Israel in 1948. We were very concerned because we knew the Haganah was vastly outnumbered, and we felt we had to do something. I went with many of my classmates at Yeshiva to a place in the West Village where they were sending blankets to Israel, and in between every blanket there was a rifle to be smuggled in. The kids were very empowered and excited to do it. Meanwhile, I thought – just packing things, anyone can do that. Maybe I could do something special. I thought that maybe science students could do something more to help. I picked up the phone and I called up the Jewish Agency….. I told him what I had in mind, but as I’m speaking, he stops me. He says, “Shut up and come over here immediately!” I’m not accustomed to that kind of talk and I was taken aback, but I just did that. I shut up and I went down to see him. When we met, he apologized. He said: “The reason I was so abrupt is because our wires are tapped, and what we’re doing is none of the FBI’s business.” I began to understand the nature of the project.

Israel had some guns, and they had the Davidka. But they needed to manufacture bullets. They didn’t have enough natural resources then, so our mission was to develop a bullet that could be produced from the material available to the Jews in Israel. Each of us had our jobs, and we did them well. Everyone in Yeshiva was involved in some way with the war effort. It was a great opportunity to express our Ahavat Yisrael (love of Israel) and Zionism in a very practical way. Again, no hora. No heveinu shalom aleichem, rather real serious stuff. Did we succeed? I think we did in the end. We got the formula and the Israelis were able to manufacture the bullets, which is something which made us very happy and pleased.”

In Parshat Vayeira we read how Avraham excelled in the mitzvah of Hachnasat Orchim, welcoming guests. On the third day post-circumcision, Hashem visited Avraham as an expression of Bikur Cholim. During that visit, Avraham sees three figures approaching his tent. He immediately leaves his conversation with Hashem and tends to these guests as an expression of Hachnasat Orchim. From the unfolding of this story the Talmud (Shabbat 127a) teaches: אָמַר רַב יְהוּדָה אָמַר רַב: גְּדוֹלָה הַכְנָסַת אוֹרְחִין מֵקְבָּלַת פְּנֵי שְׁכִינָה,

This Talmudic phrase is normally translated as “Hospitality is greater than receiving the Divine Presence”. Rabbi Lamm suggests an alternate understanding of this Talmudic phrase. The prefix mem can mean “than” ie comparing the importance of two things. Or the prefix mem can mean “from”. Rabbi Lamm suggested in a sermon in 1968 that we understand the prefix mem in the Talmud as teaching us that “Hospitality is great(est) when it emerges from our religious identity and from our efforts to emulate Hashem.” We can be inspired to be more hospitable when we realize that we are all guests in God’s world. Rabbi Lamm adds that Hachnasat Orchim is more than social entertaining; it is a religious mandate. This means we should 1) Think beyond our social sphere when hosting. 2) Be ready to host those who might need it the most: ie those from out-of-town or those who may not be invited out as much as other people.3)Be willing to host even in less than perfect circumstances. Just as we feed our families even when the food, décor or setting is less than perfect, so too should we be willing to fulfill Hachnasat Orchim in less than ideal circumstances. May our appreciation for, and fulfillment of, Hachanasat Orchim help us benefit from Pnei HaShechina, from Hashem’s Presence in all facets of our lives.

Connecting with Our Souls

 Parshat Lech Lecha begins with Hashem commanding Avram to leave the familiar environs of his hometown. The Torah does not provide any context or background for why Avram was chosen to be the “father of many nations” and the father of monotheism. But already in Parshat Lech Lecha we have some clues. Early in the Parsha we read:  וַיִּקַּ֣ח אַבְרָם֩ אֶת־שָׂרַ֨י אִשְׁתּ֜וֹ וְאֶת־ל֣וֹט בֶּן־אָחִ֗יו וְאֶת־כָּל־רְכוּשָׁם֙ אֲשֶׁ֣ר רָכָ֔שׁוּ וְאֶת־הַנֶּ֖פֶשׁ אֲשֶׁר־עָשׂ֣וּ בְחָ֑רָן “And Avram took Sarai his wife and Lot his brother's son, and all their possessions that they had acquired, and the souls they had acquired in Haran, and they went to go to the land of Canaan.” Who / what are these souls?

Rabbi Moshe Avigdor Amiel (1883-1945) was a student of Rav Chaim Soloveitchik and Rav Chaim Ozer Grodzinski. He received semicha at age 18 and was the rabbi in Swieciany and then Grajewo before becoming the Chief Rabbi of Antwerp in 1920. The first Ashkenazic Chief Rabbi of Tel Aviv was Rav Shlomo Ahronson. With his passing, three primary candidates arose over the summer of 1935:  Rav Amiel, Rav Yitzchak Isaac Herzog and Rav Yosef Dov Soloveitchik, at that time a young rabbi in Boston. The leaders of Mizrachi backed Rav Amiel, and Rav Moshe Soloveitchik wrote a strong letter of support on behalf of his son. Rav Soloveitchik made his only visit to the Land of Israel that summer, and he met the ailing Rav Kook. Rav Amiel won the election, Rav Herzog was appointed to succeed Rav Kook as Chief Rabbi of Israel, and Rav Soloveitchik returned to Boston and became Rosh Yeshiva at Yeshiva University after his father’s death in 1941

Some of Rav Amiel’s sermons were collected and published under the title Hegyonot El Ami. In a sermon for Lech Lecha Rav Amiel picks up on the fact that Avram and Sarai had acquired “souls” in Charan. The fact that people are referred to as souls is noteworthy. Prior to the appearance of Avram and Sarai humanity was referred to as basar, flesh. Our first patriarch and matriarch re-introduce the notion that human beings are unique due to their souls. Whether these acquired souls were slaves (literal interpretation) or students that were “converted” (Midrash), either way we have Avram and Sarai to thank for reminding humanity that we are more than “flesh”; we are also souls.

Rav Amiel notes that even according to the Midrash, Avram and Sarai didn’t formally convert students to Judaism. It also seems that none of these students retained the monotheistic lessons that they learned, for when Yaakov takes his clan down to Egypt there is no reference to any of these “souls”. Nevertheless, the impact of Avram and Sarai remained. Our relationship with God and our relationship with others is predicated on this lesson that humans are souls, not just flesh. Rav Amiel notes that this lesson was internalized be even the most heinous of sinners. Even the king of Sodom, a bastion of immorality, had learned the lesson of Avram. In the aftermath of the war of % kings vs 4 kinds the king says to Avram (14:21) וַיֹּ֥אמֶר מֶֽלֶךְ־סְדֹ֖ם אֶל־אַבְרָ֑ם תֶּן־לִ֣י הַנֶּ֔פֶשׁ וְהָֽרְכֻ֖שׁ קַח־לָֽךְ: “Give me the souls, and the possessions take for yourself.”

Avram and Sarai were the first Jewish outreach workers. They spread the Divine message that each human is a nefesh, and not just basar. We are endowed with a Divine soul, and that truth obligates us in our relationship with Hashem and in our relationship with others.

Each of us can be like Avram and Sarai by helping people connect with their Jewish souls. Next Wednesday 11/13 at 8pm YIH Sisterhood is hosting a Challah Bake in honor of the Shabbos Project, with Guest Speaker Charlene Aminoff: https://www.yih.org/challah . The Shabbos Project is an initiative to encourage people to share the beauty of Shabbat with those who are not familiar with it. More than just attending, I encourage women of our community to bring a relative, friend, co-worker or neighbor who has not been to a Challah Bake or who has not been exposed to the beauty of Shabbat the way we have. By bringing out the souls of others we will connect with our own souls in a more meaningful way.