On the yahrtzeit of Rabbi Gavriel and Rivkah Holzberg hy"d

The following sermon was delivered on Parshat Toldot 5769, the day after the murder of the Chabad Shluchim to Mumbai, India by Islamic terrorists.

After Yaakov gets the blessings that his brother wanted, Eisav plots to murder Yaakov. Rivkah is informed of Eisav’s plan and sends Yaakov to her brother Lavan’s house so that Eisav has time to cool down. Once Eisav forgets a little, Rivkah promises that she will send for Yaakov. The purpose of this plan is as Rivkah puts it.

לָמָה אֶשְׁכַּל גַּם שְׁנֵיכֶם יוֹם אֶחָד:

 “Why should I be bereaved of you both in one day?”

Rashi explains the utilization of the word “Eshkal” and writes:

Why should I be bereft: Heb. אֶשְׁכַּל. I will be bereft of both of you. [This teaches that] one who buries his children is called שָׁכוּל, bereft. And so, concerning Jacob, it is said (below 43:14):“As I am bereft (שָׁכֹלְתִּי), I shall be bereft (שָׁכָלְתּי).”

למה אשכל: אהיה שכולה משניכם. הקובר את בניו קרוי שכול. וכן ביעקב אמר (להלן מג יד) כאשר שכלתי שכלתי:

“One who buries his children is called bereaved.

Today we note with sorrow the bereaved parents of those Jews murdered by terrorists in the Chabad House in Mumbai India. Among the dead are the Chabad shalichim to Mumbai, Rabbi Gavriel Holtzberg, age 30 and his wife Rivkah, age 28 whom we mentioned earlier in the Kel Malei prayer. In 2003, Rabbi Holtzberg and his wife left New York to run the Chabad center known as the Nariman House in Mumbai, where they managed a synagogue and led religious classes and other social and outreach activities at the center.

Things like this are not supposed to happen. A couple sacrifices the familiarity and comforts of their homes to serve the Jewish community in a far flung location and share their passion – only to become sacrifices themselves, dying Al Kiddush Hashem. In the early hours of the attack, the news reported that this was an attack on the financial infrastructure and neighborhood of Mumbai. In the aftermath, it has become very clear that Jews and Israelis and the Chabad House were specifically targeted in this attack.

The Hotzberg’s two year old son Moishy, was also inside the Chabad Center when the terrorists attacked. He was miraculously saved by the center’s cook who was able to escape from the Chabad House during the siege. Moishy is now in the custody of his grandparents from Israel, his second birthday is tomorrow. The news sources are reporting that the young boy keeps asking for his mother. We too have some questions that we just can’t shake and yet we know we won’t find satisfying answers.

At the beginning of the Parsha, we read that the precipitating event that leads to the sale of the birthright was that Yaakov was cooking lentils. The Medrash explains that Avraham had just died and Yakaov was preparing the first meal for his father who was now an Avel.  And why are lentils an appropriate food for mourners? Rashi quotes two answers.

 ולמה עדשים, שדומות לגלגל שהאבלות גלגל החוזר בעולם

“For they resemble a sphere- and mourning is a sphere that makes a circuit in the world.”

Although technical mourning practices are only customary for specific close relatives, the impact of a death reverberates among a much wider audience, including those who personally knew the deceased or those who were affected by that person either directly or indirectly. When people are killed because they are Jewish, the mourning and its effects are felt by all Jews across the entire world.

On Friday I officiated at a funeral at which the burial took place in a different location than the chapel service. I rode with the family to the cemetery and when we arrived we had to wait a few minutes while some paperwork was being filled out in the office. As we were all standing in the small business office a woman approached the entrance, in need of directions to a plot. Among our group for the burial were three Rabbis. The woman looked at the Rabbis and then walked back to her car. At that point I overheard her say, “it looks like it’s busy in there. I don’t know with what, but maybe it has something to do with what happened today. Let’s wait a few minutes, or maybe there’s someone else we can ask.

It was then that I received my first update of the Mumbai situation since the night before. It was also at that point that I realized that it is a natural reaction for Jews in the worst of times to feel as if “we’re all in it together.” That woman may have never learned the Talmudic statement of “Kol Yisrael Areivim Zeh B’Zeh” All Jews are responsible for one another. She may have never come across the Midrashic statement that Bnei Yisrael act “K’Ish echad B’Lev echad”. But she did something more important- she lived this reality. If there is tragedy within the Jewish community it affects all of us in a profound way.

The second reason suggested by Rashi as to why lentils are offered to mourners is because:

 ועוד מה עדשים אין להם פה כך האבל אין לו פה שאסור לדבר. ולפיכך המנהג להברות את האבל בתחלת מאכלו ביצים שהם עגולים ואין להם פה, כך אבל אין לו פה

“Just as lentils are round and have no mouth, so too the mourner has no mouth for he is forbidden to speak.”

We suggest that mourners exercise a degree of verbal restraint and silence in the face of their personal tragedy, lest they think or say or do something that they will regret later. The response of silence is especially necessary in the face of a collective tragedy. Our words must be directed towards remembering and comforting and not in trying to get the answers to why did this happen or how could this happen.

(Those who come to comfort mourners as well, need to exercise verbal restraint, as described by Erica Brown in her essay in this week's Jewish Week)

In addition to the therapeutic effects of silence in the face of tragedy, our Parsha also describes three situations in which people had to deal with difficult questions.

Towards the beginning of the Parsha, when Eisav is contemplating whether to sell his birthright to Yaakov he says,

וַיֹּאמֶר עֵשָׂו הִנֵּה אָנֹכִי הוֹלֵךְ לָמוּת וְלָמָּה זֶּה לִי בְּכֹרָה:

 “What profit shall the birthright be to me?

When Eisav cannot think of any positive answer to this question right away, not only does he sell his birthright but the Torah goes further to say,

 וַיֵּלַךְ וַיִּבֶז עֵשָׂו אֶת הַבְּכֹרָה:

“Eisav spurned the birthright.”

The question Eisav asked was a legitimate one – as well as complicated. After all the birthright as Eisav understood it, entailed many responsibilities, some of which if not performed correctly could make a person liable for punishments- even death! Instead of getting himself entangled in a complicated question with no quick answer, he decides to divest himself from the entire issue- he sells the birthright to Yaakov.

          

The Torah tells us clearly its opinion of a person who looks for a quick escape when confronted with a theologically difficult situation “Vayivez eisav et Habechora”- because he was unwilling to take the time to think about and explore the issue involved it is considered that Eisav spurned the birthright.

          

Eisav teaches us the wrong way to respond to difficult questions, namely by avoiding them. His mother Rivkah teaches us the right way to deal with such questions, in two places in this morning’s Parsha.

          

At the very beginning of the Parsha Rivkah is experiencing a difficult pregnancy to which Rivkah reacts,

הּ וַתֹּאמֶר אִם כֵּן לָמָּה זֶּה אָנֹכִי  

“If so, why am I thus? 

Notice the usage of the same words "Lama Zeh" by both Eisav and Rivkah

Rivkah asks: What’s the point if things are going to be so difficult? I do not see how this situation can end up with a happy ending, or even anything positive emerging. Instead of avoiding the question or getting rid of the problem the Torah tells us. 

“She went to inquire of Hashem.”

In times of tragedy, silence should not be discounted. But when the question is urgent, we must make sure that we address the question in the proper fashion. Asking Hashem is an admission that G-d is still involved. Asking Hashem is also an implicit recognition that we don’t have all the answers, G-d does and He may not be divulging those answers to us.

          

At the end of the Parsha, as mentioned earlier, Rivkah sends Yaakov away to save him from the murderous intentions of Eisav. Her rationale as the Torah describes it is in the form of a question

לָמָה אֶשְׁכַּל גַּם שְׁנֵיכֶם יוֹם אֶחָד

“Why should I be bereaved of you both in one day?”

          

The context of this question is one of conflicted feelings and moral ambiguity. Rivkah loved Eisav, and yet she just helped Yaakov deceive Yitzchak for the blessings. Rivkah’s responds to this question in a different yet similarly positive and admirable way: with constructive action. She sends Yaakov away thereby saving Yaakov’s life and Eisav’s soul. 

Sometimes the only answer to a question is to table the question and just do something that will positively affect the overall situation even if it is not a direct answer to the specific issue.

          

In May of 1957 fedayeen terrorists entered the village of Kfar Chabad in Israel. They made their way to the synagogue of the local agricultural school, where the school's young students were in the midst of the evening maariv prayers, and raked the room with fire from their rifles. Five children and one teacher were killed and another ten children wounded. Despair and dejection pervaded the village, and began to eat away at its foundations. There were some who saw what happened as a sign that their dream of a peaceful life in Israel was premature. The idea of disbanding the community was raised. The village was slowly dying. The Chasidim sent a telegram to the Lubavitcher Rebbe in New York and eagerly awaited a response.

         

Finally, five days later, a response came from the Rebbe. The response via telegram had just three words: Behemshech habinyan tinacheimu. By your continued building will you be comforted.

          

There is no doubt that with its indomitable spirit, Chabad will rebuild. But the words of the Rebbe can help all of us that have questions today or in the future. Bhemshech Habinyan Tinachamu. Through building ourselves, we will be comforted. We must not deal with questions the way Eisav did, by ignoring them. Sometimes silence is the only constructive response. And if something more is needed, then we must look to constructive actions, in the hopes that ultimately Hashem will provide comfort, if not answers.