Leah's Lesson: Look Within for Happiness

I am fascinated by the Torah’s description of the birth of Leah’s first four sons:

And the Lord saw that Leah was hated, so He opened her womb; but Rachel was barren.		לאוַיַּרְא יְהֹוָה כִּי שְׂנוּאָה לֵאָה וַיִּפְתַּח אֶת רַחְמָהּ וְרָחֵל עֲקָרָה:
32And Leah conceived and bore a son, and she named him Reuben, for she said, "Because the Lord has seen my affliction, for now my husband will love me."		לבוַתַּהַר לֵאָה וַתֵּלֶד בֵּן וַתִּקְרָא שְׁמוֹ רְאוּבֵן כִּי אָמְרָה כִּי רָאָה יְהֹוָה בְּעָנְיִי כִּי עַתָּה יֶאֱהָבַנִי אִישִׁי:
33And she conceived again and bore a son, and she said, "Since the Lord has heard that I am hated, He gave me this one too." So she named him Simeon.		לגוַתַּהַר עוֹד וַתֵּלֶד בֵּן וַתֹּאמֶר כִּי שָׁמַע יְהֹוָה כִּי שְׂנוּאָה אָנֹכִי וַיִּתֶּן לִי גַּם אֶת זֶה וַתִּקְרָא שְׁמוֹ שִׁמְעוֹן:
34And she conceived again and bore a son, and she said, "Now this time my husband will be attached to me, for I have borne him three sons; therefore, He named him Levi.		לדוַתַּהַר עוֹד וַתֵּלֶד בֵּן וַתֹּאמֶר עַתָּה הַפַּעַם יִלָּוֶה אִישִׁי אֵלַי כִּי יָלַדְתִּי לוֹ שְׁלשָׁה בָנִים עַל כֵּן קָרָא שְׁמוֹ לֵוִי:
35And she conceived again and bore a son, and she said, "This time, I will thank the Lord! Therefore, she named him Judah, and [then] she stopped bearing.		להוַתַּהַר עוֹד וַתֵּלֶד בֵּן וַתֹּאמֶר הַפַּעַם אוֹדֶה אֶת יְהֹוָה עַל כֵּן קָרְאָה שְׁמוֹ יְהוּדָה וַתַּעֲמֹד מִלֶּדֶת:

Each of Leah’s first 3 children are named as a prayer that Yaakov should begin to love her. It is sad, even painful, to read how unloved Leah feels, even after bearing Yaakov children. We think of the birth of a child as a most joyous event, and yet from the names Leah offers her first 3 sons all she can think about is how “God saw my afflication” (Reuven), “God heard that I was hated” (Shimon), and “hopefully, finally, now my husband will be close to me” (Levi).

What caught my attention this year is the description of the birth of Yehuda. For the first time, Leah picks a name that makes no mention of her wounded, unloved status. With Yehuda, Leah offers a name that only expresses gratitude. But then the Torah states that upon naming her fourth son Yehuda, Leah stopped bearing children. How are we to understand the juxtaposition in verse 35? One might argue that ceasing to bear children is some sort of punishment. But that begs the question: why should Leah be punished at this juncture, when she seems to finally be recovering from the wounds of her early married years and finally able to thank Hashem for what He has provided for her?

I believe that the Torah is teaching us something completely different. At first Leah feels hurt and alienated, and she seeks to quell those feelings through other people and their relationship to her. She hopes that a child, or children, or a change in attitude on Yaakov’s part will usher in the bliss and joy that she has always hoped for. This attitude accompanies Leah during the birth of her first three sons. But what she hoped to happen never transpires. She has three sons (her rightful share of the tribes) but her husband has not changed and she still feels miserable.

Upon the birth of her fourth son she decides to change her approach and change her attitude. She realizes that she cannot depend on external factors to determine her happiness. She realizes that she cannot control the events swirling around her. All that she has the ability to control is her attitude towards those events.

Leah names her fourth son Yehuda, and in so doing she closes the book on depending on external events or people to bring her happiness. Instead, Leah looks within and realizes that she has much to be grateful for. She resolves that from this point forward her happiness will not be determined by others. She will be control her attitude and he perspective on life. And from this point forward she resolves to approach life from the perspective of gratitude.

Once she does that, the Torah tells us that she ceases to bear children. The truth is that Leah will have two more sons and another daughter. But what the Torah means here is that no longer will her children be born in an attempt to make Leah happy. Leah realizes that the key to her happiness is entrusted exclusively in her own hands. 

There is much in life that is outside of our control, but how we respond to what life brings our way is completely up to us. So let us learn the lesson from Leah and respond first and foremost to life with gratitude.