Respecting Your Elders - and Your Youngers

Parshat Ki Tavo contains within it the curses that Moshe foretells will fall upon the nation should they not live up to the expectations thrust upon them by the Torah. Part of this dynamic is understanding the metaphysical rules of cause and effect; ie sin brings punishment. The verses in Ki Tavo go into some details as to the particulars of such punishment. One element of the punishment is exile. The Torah goes into some detail about this exile, and by whom will it be perpetrated (28:49-50):

“Hashem will carry against you a nation from afar…a nation whose language you will not understand. A brazen nation that will not be respectful to the old nor gracious to the young.”

 Many of the Meforshim understand this to be an allusion to Rome under Vespasian and Titus. I understand this characterization to be just as important for us to understand for ourselves as it is a description of our enemies. A brazen nation is described as one that does not respect its elders. We are living in an age that generally considers “newer” to be “better”. We must not fall into that trap set for us by society. We must appreciate the wisdom of our elders and the debt of gratitude that we owe previous generations.

A brazen nation is also one that does not show extra care and concern for the young. Many people today look towards the future in a very pessimistic fashion. They focus on the problems that they feel lay ahead, and wonder whether humanity even has a future. They choose not to have children, for why should new life be brought into such a scary, sad world? We reject such a view outright and attribute it to a selfish and egotistical attitude. We believe that it is within our reach to better the world, and part of our legacy is to leave the next generation better off in some fashion.

A brazen nation neither respects its old nor its young. Many groups have been able to accomplish one of these two tasks, but at the expense of the other. For instance those who revere the old are wary of the young, while those who concentrate on the young often ignore the old. Our challenge as Jews is to simultaneously be concerned with our pasts and our futures, to be respectful of our old and gracious towards our young. In this way we can avoid becoming brazen and avoid the curses while receiving the blessings promised to us by the Torah for doing the right thing.

Parenting Lessons from the Wayward Child

Parshat Ki Teitzei contains within it a discussion of the Ben Sorrer Umoreh the rebellious child. The Torah describes a tween-age child that is gluttonous and rebellious and does not listen to his/her parents. Exasperated, the parents together bring the rebellious child to the judges of that city. The Torah treats such a situation with the utmost of gravity, and such a young person is subject to capital punishment if found guilty.

The Talmud (Sanhedrin 71) is skeptical if such a scenario ever actually occurred. According to one opinion, the Ben Sorrer Umoreh never actually existed in reality, and the Torah was aware of the impossibility of such a scenario. According to a second opinion, there is the hypothetical possibility of a Ben Sorrer Umoreh existing, but the probability of it actually occurring in real life is slim to none. According to both of these opinions, the purpose of the Torah’s introducing us to this rebellious child is “Derosh v’Kabel Sechar”, analyze the case, learn its lessons, and be rewarded for your efforts. What are the lessons of the Ben Sorrer Umoreh, from which we can learn and gain insight?

The Maharsha suggests two important lessons. According to the opinion that the Ben Sorrer Umoreh never could really happen, the reason is because there is an emphasis in the Talmud on the parity between both parents (same voice, same appearance) in order for the rebellious child to be liable. The Maharsha writes that such consistency is impossible, and the child can claim that sometimes the father would warn him and sometimes the mother would warn him, but never both of them at the same time- which is a requirement to be labeled a Ben Sorrer Umoreh.

The Maharsha continues to explain the rationale for the opinion that a Ben Sorrer Umoreh is possible but improbable. Although it is possible for both parents and child to fulfill all of the criteria laid out by the Torah/ Talmud, it is highly unlikely, writes the Maharsha, that the parents would ever tell on their child and bring the child to be punished by the judges of the city. One of the requirements is that both parents bring the child to be disciplined. The Maharsha writes, based on his own observations, that it is more likely that the parents will have an abundance of compassion and tolerance towards their child, and not bring him/her to be disciplined. According to the Maharsha, the parents’ attitude constitutes misplaced compassion and tolerance that is detrimental to both the child and society at large.

As we begin a new school year it behooves us, as parents and educators, to heed well the lessons of the Ben Sorrer Umoreh as taught to us by the Maharsha. First, we must strive to present to our children a consistent message as far as our values and our expectations. To be most effective, the message should be consistent between each parent, as well as between parents and teachers. Children get confused and opportunities are missed when our lessons and messaging lack consistency.  Second, we must understand, as the Rambam teaches, that an abundance of almost anything is dangerous.  Gluttony is one type of overindulgence.  But as the Maharsha explains, there is such a thing as overindulging our children: too much compassion and tolerance for a child’s misbehavior. When we love our children, but do not set limits, we can be doing more harm than good.

If we strive for a consistent message, and love our children while instilling within them limits, then we will, B’Ezrat Hashem, be worthy of the reward that is promised to those who explore the meaning behind the Ben Sorrer Umoreh.

All Our Words are Offerings

The beginning of Chapter 17 in Parshat Shoftim states:

“You shall not slaughter for Hashem your G-d an ox or lamb or goat in which there will be a blemish, Kol Davar Ra because that is an abomination to Hashem your G-d.”

 Literally Kol Davar Ra means “any bad thing” and is a reiteration of the sentiment expressed right before, ie a reference to blemishes on animal sacrifices.

            

The Baal Haturim uses a play on the word Davar and comments on this verse that “anyone who speaks profanities (Nibul  Peh) is considered hated and an abomination.

            

One could ask on the Baal Haturim: it’s a nice idea, but why does the Baal Haturim learn the lesson of clean, vulgarity-free speech here, when the simple understanding of the verse speaks of sacrifices?

            

Perhaps we can understand the Baal Haturim’s rationale as an expansion on a statement of the Rabbis that since the destruction of the Beit Hamikdash our words take the place of sacrifices, based on the verse in Hosea (14:3) “Let our lips pay in lieu of sacrifices.”

            

Most of us understand this to mean that the words of our prayers serve that function that animal sacrifices once did. The Baal Haturim understands that it is not just in the realm of prayer that our words are important. How we talk to our friends, our families, our neighbors, and even the driver who just cut you off on I-95 needs to be viewed as an offering to G-d, that reflects on us. All of the words that come out of our mouths need to be viewed as having the potential of being either an abomination or a “sweet-smelling offering to Hashem”.

Doing "What's Good In Your Eyes"

In the first aliyah of Parshat Re’eh, Moshe tells the nation that when they reach the Land of Israel, they will establish a central location at which they will offer sacrifices. In the midst of this discussion, Moshe says, “You shall not do like everything that we do here today, every man what is proper in his eyes.” (12:8). There is much discussion as to what exactly Moshe is trying to impress upon the nation. Based on the Medrash and the Talmud in Zevachim 117b, Rashi explains that Moshe is saying that initially upon entry into the Land of Israel, a central altar will be established for obligatory sacrifices. However those offerings that are voluntary, ie those which are brought merely because it is proper in one'seyes, can continue to be brought on personal altars until the Tabernacle is established in Shiloh. Once Mishkan Shiloh is set up, all sacrifices will have to be brought at that location.

The cryptic use of the phrase “every man what is proper in his eyes” and its juxtaposition with the warning, “you shall not do like everything that we do here today” got me thinking. Is doing what’s proper in one’s eyes a good thing or a bad thing? I guess it depends.

We often suffer from tunnel vision and don’t think things through fully before we act. In such a case doing that which is good in our eyes is not a good thing, for we should be willing to see things from other perspectives before we act.

On the other hand, if we look at the generation of Jews in the desert, there seems to have been times when the nation suffered due to “groupthink”.  Whether it was the complaints about food, the response to the spies’ bad report or even the golden calf, the Jews may have fared better had some of them been willing to trust their own thinking and expressed themselves, instead of going along with the loudest voices.

When it comes to “that which is good in our eyes” we need to think long and hard about what it is that is good in our eyes. We need to be willing to listen to other voices when it is helpful in developing the good, and be careful not to give in to peer pressure when other voices are diverting us away from that which we know ourselves to be good. 

The Importance of Follow-Through

“Kol Hamitzvah” that I command you today you shall observe to perform…" (8:1). 

According to the normal reading of the first two words of this verse, Moshe is referring to a number of mitzvoth that have been mentioned and need to be taken seriously and fulfilled. However Rashi quotes the Midrash that in this instance, Kol does not mean “all the commandments”, but “the entire commandment.” The reason that such an interpretation is possible is because the word Mitzvah is in the singular. And therefore the phrase “all the mitzvah” begs for further explanation.

The Medrash explains that from here we learn the importance of finishing a mitzvah that you start. The Medrash goes on to teach that the credit for the mitzvah is given to s/he that completes it, and not to the person that initiated the act. The proof is the fact that the nation as a whole is given credit for bringing the bones of Yosef out of Egypt and facilitating their burial in Shechem. This is the case even though we know that it was Moshe who personally ensured that Yosef’s casket was taken out of Egypt. In fact in Sefer Shemot the Medrash notes that the people could not be bothered with Yosef’s bones as they were too busy looting Egypt of its valuables.

This Medrash seems unfair. First in its specific example- Moshe would have finished the task had he been allowed entry into the land of Israel.  And more broadly, this Medrash seems to completely ignore the role of those individuals with great ideas. Even if their idea does not make it to fulfillment, it has nonetheless been created and perhaps someone else will make it a reality. Does the innovator in such a case get no credit for that initial idea?

I think the Medrash means for us to learn two lessons. First, while the whole nations may get the credit for burying Yosef, that does not mean that they should not be sharing that credit with Moshe. It is incumbent upon each of us upon succeeding to give credit to all those that helped us make it to that point of success. 

Second, although ideas are important, if not crucial, we must not get overly enamored by the fame of innovation. We must similarly be impressed by the hard work and stick – to – it-tivness that goes into turning an idea into a success.

Body - Soul Synergy

In Parshat Vaetchanan we find the verse, “Venishmartem Meod Lenafshoteichem”, “and you shall exceedingly guard yourselves.” We are used to associating this verse with a Torah mandate to promote healthy living and to avoid unnecessary risk s of injury. This association is based on story told in the Gemara in Brachot 33: a man was praying on the road when a nobleman approached and greeted the man. Since the manw as in the middle of Shemonah Esrei he did not answer. The nobleman waited until the manw as done praying and then scolded the man, claiming that the man had done a foolish thing as the nobleman could have killed the man. In the midst of this scolding, the nobleman quotes what appears to be our verse in Vaetchanan, using it as a proof that a person needs to be very careful to protect his/her life. The point being that the nobleman is arguing that based on this verse, the man should have interrupted his prayers in order to respond to the nobleman’s greeting (the the Gemara for what the man answers as his counterargument- which wins the day.)

However if one looks at the rest of the verse and its context, it becomes clear that the pasuk is literally referring to spiritual health. Moshe is warning the people not to make the mistake and think that since God spoke to them at Sinai, then He must also have a bodily form. On this mistaken notion, Moshe is telling the people to be very careful and to “guard their souls”.  The question for us then is: what is the connection between the context of this verse, ie spiritual health, and the extension of this idea to physical health?

I believe that there are two approaches to this question. The first is to note very simply that one who lacks health is challenged in a number of ways, not the least of which is a challenge of religion. Whether that challenges is a theological one (“why me?”) or a physical one (getting to synagogue, attending and fully participating in prayer services), we must note the spiritual challenges that accompany physical challenges. The reverse is true as well. Thos who have their health have tremendous opportunities to access spiritual fulfillment in unlimited and unfettered fashion. Those who have their health must appreciate this and be grateful for this access and opportunity.

The second way to understand this relationship is to note the recent research that indicates that people who are soul-healthy- ie take their faith and religion seriously and commit to it, generally experience better health, compared to those who do not put religion at the center of their lives. (see for instance: Here)

We must appreciate that we humans are privileged to be given by God both a body and a soul. Though they may have been created separately, they work together in our lifetimes. As such we must be vigilant to understand the impact of the body on the soul- and the impact of the soul on the body.

Bemoaning Our Indifference to the Core Issues

In life it is often easier to deal with the symptoms of a problem than confronting the root of the issue. For instance, listening to the Weinstock children fight with each other has become a common occurrence in our home. We are blessed with four children and they get along/ don’t get along equally amongst themselves. This means that every day there may be a different match-up as far as disagreements are concerned. When fighting breaks out amongst them these days I try to make the peace by diffusing the situation at hand. So if they are arguing about who gets to play the Wii, I mediate an order. If there are arguments about who take a shower first (everyone wants to go last), we create a rotation of who gets to go last over the course of the week.

In each scenario even as I troubleshoot, I cannot help but feel like there is more that I could be/ should be teaching my children: The importance of family, of getting along with one another, of listening to parents, of sacrifice, of trying to be agreeable and not always fighting for your rights if it is an area that is not significant, of using humor to diffuse situations, of keeping perspective of the blessings in one’s life.

Hopefully some of these lessons are rubbing off, but in the moment I do whatever it takes to get the fighting to stop. I am willing to solve the immediate problem and leave the root issues for another day.

Towards the beginning of Parshat Devarim, Moshe recalls the creation of the Jewish judicial system. He states (1:12), “How can I alone carry your contentiousness, your burdens and your quarrels?” To alleviate the situation Moshe appoints lower court systems so that he does not have to adjudicate every single disagreement. However if we look closely, there are in fact two issues that Moshe mentions that need to be addressed: First, Moshe cannot possibly handle the entire caseload of the Jewish People. But there is a second concern: the people are just too quarrelsome. They don’t get along as well as they should. Although a court system alleviates the first concern, it does nothing to address the core issue of a contentious nation.  Dealing with too much controversy acrimony and discord is something much more difficult to solve and has no easy fix.

There is a custom to read this pasuk with the tune of Eicha. On one level that is because the word Eicha is found in this verse. But perhaps on another level we continue to bemoan the fact that even as troubleshooting continuously takes place within the Jewish community, we have been negligent in confronting the core issues that challenged us then and continue to challenge us now.